"This Baby Shower Isn’t For Or About You, It’s For My Grandbaby": This Mother-In-Law's Wild Behavior Makes Me Nervous For Marriage

"My mother-in-law told me, 'I’m booking it [the shower] at this venue, and if you don’t like what I have planned, too bad.'"

Relationships are a lot of work as is, but when you have difficult in-laws, it can make everything that much more challenging. I mean, the movie Monster in Law was definitely exaggerated, BUT there are some in-laws like that in this world!

Unfortunately, it seems like this Redditor got the short end of the stick with her mother-in-law as she posted in the r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit explaining their current situation: "My baby shower is planned for July. This whole time, I’ve had no say in anything when it comes to her. It’s all about what she wants. My fiancé ended up telling her she’s being overbearing. She threw a fit and said she was done planning it, she’ll just show up. That was until yesterday."

Gpointstudio / Getty Images

"I work with my sister-in-law and her childhood friend. My mother-in-law works across the street, so she’ll come in for a few and say hi to us. She approached me and said, 'This baby shower isn’t for or about you; it’s for my grandbaby. I’m booking it at this venue, and if you don’t like what I have planned, too bad.'

I was shocked. All the girls I work with were also shocked. SIL told me she’ll talk to my mom, and the three of us can come up with something together. I jokingly told SIL to watch me not show up to what MIL has planned. My mom, SIL, and I will now throw a separate shower."

The OP continued, writing: "Even though this baby was planned, I honestly haven’t been excited. This pregnancy has been rough. I’ve honestly been sad, and MIL isn’t helping. She’s making it worse by things she’s done/said over the past five months. I’m eventually going to snap and tell her this baby isn’t her baby, but I’ve been trying hard to keep the peace. I told my fiancé yesterday I’m done with his mom, though, and I genuinely don’t want to see her. Because of her, I’m not telling anyone when I'm in labor, and I don’t even want her at the hospital."

Sutthicha Weerawong / Getty Images

"We got into it last week bc she said she’s going to pay the hospital photographer for pictures. I told her my best friend takes newborn photos for a living, and she told me she’ll do it. MIL shut that down and said she was getting the ones at the hospital. I don’t want those, honestly. I’d rather wait a week and take her to my trusted friend's house, where I know they’ll be beautiful."

"It’s like she’s taken control of my baby already, and I absolutely hate it. I’m loathing my pregnancy. I hate going to work and seeing her. I don’t know what to do or how to go about it. My fiancé said I can quit work whenever I want, but I want to keep going for at least another month or two. I dread seeing her just for the short time she pops in," the OP wrote.

Of course, there were a lot of opinions in the comment section, including people giving advice relating to her situation and how others have handled monsters, ahem, mothers-in-law who tried to be pushy and controlling.

Like this commenter who also had pushy in-laws and whose soon-to-be ex-husband didn't have her back:

PsychologicalCat6653 / Via reddit.com

"I'm so sorry, OP. Put your foot down ASAP

The in-laws were over in my hospital room constantly, and STBXH (soon-to-be-ex-husband) never notified me. I was mortified when I had my hospital gown on hunched from the bathroom to see my FIL in my fucking room to comment about how shitty I looked.

MIL threw a baby shower, and she planned everything. When I objected, STBXH told me to "do it for her, play the game, and participate in her show". None of my family could make it and she kept encouraging me to socialize when her and her shitty son essentially told me that I was a bad person lol

They gave me a huge stack of thank-you cards to send to the guests and I had to write a heartfelt message for each. I hid that shit under the bed.

Save yourself. Your sanity and remember it's YOUR baby."

—u/PsychologicalCat6653

Or this commenter who advised OP to set boundaries regarding them and their baby:

Sinkinglifeboat / Via reddit.com

"I totally get you. My MIL hosted a gender reveal without me, and my husband was stupid enough to go along with it to keep the peace. This is the time to have a serious chat with your spouse and lay down your own boundaries regarding you and baby."

—u/Sinkinglifeboat

This commenter was so kind and gave some great advice to OP:

Wanderful-Woman / Via reddit.com

"I’m sorry you are going through this. Rock the boat and stop keeping the peace. I know it’s hard even when you’re not pregnant but take your power back!

Go on with your own shower. Tell her you will not be attending her shower, and then let your friends and other close family know why. Have your friend take the baby pics as you want, and use those. If she does manage to make it to the hospital let her waste money on the hospital ones. Don’t use them. And let the hospital know that you do not want her there, and she does not have any permission to make any decisions.

Honestly, your husband needs to tell his mother that her overbearing behavior is controlling, disrespectful, and adding stress to your pregnancy, and that if she wants to see her grandchild regularly she needs to stop. Set that boundary now and stick to it.

Shine up your spine and shut this shit down now or she will bulldoze you as a parent every chance she gets. This is your child, your shower, your delivery! Don’t you forget it, and don’t let her forget it, too. “No” is a complete sentence- use it as much as you need to."

—u/Wanderful-Woman

And this commenter didn't hold back and only spoke facts:

Dachshundmom5 / Via reddit.com

"Stop interacting with her. That's your SO's (significant other's) job. His mother, his problem

When she says she's doing something you don't want "no, that's not happening." Don't debate or give the alternative, simply no.

Don't go to her baby shower. Quit talking about it. Quit engaging. Just don't go. People ask why "MIL said it wasn't my shower. Why would I attend?"

Block her from your phone. He deals with her.

Get into couples counseling ASAP. You and he need to be on the same page regarding the monster-in-law BEFORE baby arrives. With boundaries agreed and written down."

—u/Dachshundmom5

What do you think? Is the mother-in-law in the wrong or the husband too? Is there even a right or wrong way of handling this situation? How does one begin to set boundaries here? Share all your thoughts with me in the comments below!