1. Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser.
2. They aren't always going to be there to bail you out. Save your money wisely.
3. There are some places on the internet that you just shouldn't go to for a while.
4. Your awesome high school band probably isn't going to make it.
5. All those "important" tests ultimately don't matter.
6. Drinking is usually pretty fun.
7. The world is full of jerks.
8. Sometimes you, too, have to be a jerk.
9. Nothing lasts forever and Lucky didn't go upstate to a nice family with a farm.
10. You don't ever have to know what you want to be when you grow up.
11. Everything everywhere has been photoshopped.
12. Chocolate cures just about everything.
13. Santa Claus isn't real, but aliens might be.
14. Always ask questions.
15. Your college major really doesn't matter.
16. If you get invited to "a friend's show," it's probably going to be pretty bad.
17. And, most importantly...
Inspired by E*TRADE smart investments and naïve children across the land.