1. Which filter makes brunch look more delicious.
Pffft Mayfair again. Amateur.
2. Whether or not vegetarians and vegans can truly call themselves “foodies.”
3. Whose food blog is more “ethical.”
“I know you fed Henri all organic grain from birth until you butchered him for Crock Pot Honey Garlic Chicken. But did you love him? Did. You. Love. Him.”
4. Which veggie is going to be the “it” vegetable for 2014.
5. How to hold chopsticks correctly.
“No, this is the right way. I studied abroad in Japan so… I’m kind of an expert.”
6. Which cheese is the ultimate cheese.
Gouda Gouda, Lappi Lappi, Feta Feta, Parma.
Basic foodies eat that stuff so I don’t even bother.
7. Whether or not there’s something “disingenuous” about paleo waffles.
“Paleolithic humans did not have waffle irons. Or even iron, for that matter.”
8. Which taco truck is the most authentic in town.
“Sure, they taste great, but you have to ask yourself how they mill the corn.”
9. Who’s going to order for the table.
“We should start with the tartare because it transitions better to the warm escarole salad, and don’t even think about the flounder because the ancho rubbed pork chop for two got way more hype on Yelp.”
10. Which of the ancient grains is the most ancient.
“No dude, Mesopotamians were using emmer to brew beer thousands of years before the Egyptians planted spelt. Geez, how do you not know this.”
11. How to pronounce certain ethnic dishes.
ffffffff — uuuuuu — aaaaaaaaaaaa
12. Whether dry rub or wet rub makes the best steak.
Let’s just agree to disagree on this one.
13. Who makes the best vegan, gluten-free muffins.
“Mine only have two ingredients: soy and air. Thus, they are superior.”
14. And of course, whether or not your favorite food truck “sold out” when it went brick-and-mortar.
“I can taste the permanence.”