Lunatic Football Fans Buy Wedding Gifts For Extremely Rich Guy They’ve Never Met

So that’s why the Dow’s been going up.

What an amazingly good month for the stock market. The Dow Jones Industrial Average is at all-time record levels. Is it due to jobs? Increased wages? A HOUSING BOOM?

Ha, nice try, Wall Street nerds. Obviously, it’s due to all the disposable income Americans are using to buy Redskins quarterback and soon-to-be-husband Robert Griffin III some wedding gifts!

It was just a couple of weeks ago that The Washington Post’s Sarah Kogod uncovered the wedding registry for Griffin and fianceé Rebecca Liddicoat.

Stephen Cohen / Getty Images

And fans — people who he’d never met, who already make him rich through tickets and merchandise purchases and television viewing and whatnot — bought him a bunch of stuff!

Most galling of all? American football fans have bought Robert Griffin III and his future wife exactly ZERO of the eight NewWave Premium Platinum 5-Piece Place Settings that they’re hoping for.

A nation in decline, indeed.

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