slothsgiving

What’s Your Sloth Horoscope?

Hey there, sloth lover: Find out what the stars have in store for you this summer!

1. Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

tomalu/tomalu

You’re a social butterfly by nature, and there’s nothing you love more than entertaining, so throw a sloth-themed party! Serve snacks like “bugs” on a log and desserts adorned with icing leaves, set up a hammock for lounging, spice up the scene with rainforest-themed decorations, and party on down. And instead of bringing booze, tell guests to bring $5-10 to donate to a sloth charity!

2. Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Logical, straightforward, and overanalytical, you tend to get a little too wrapped up in organizing all aspects of your life and making sure everything’s always in order. You could use a little R&R to calm your nerves — to say the least. Solution: Take a break and go on a sloth video binge! And don’t forget to listen to baby sloths talk to each other. You’ll be relaxed and recharged in no time.

3. Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Bkamprath/Bkamprath

You’re all about maxin’ and relaxin’ — you love beauty, harmony, and peace. Climb a tree on a beautiful sunny day and lounge at the top, lie motionless for most of the day, and just CHILL, like the lethargic southern two-toed sloth. This species is lazy mostly to protect itself from predators, but you should just be lazy because yolo.

4. Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

Gakaiserr/Gakaiserr / Via cafepress.com

The sign of extremes and intensity, you’re an independent spirit who prefers living life on your own terms — even if that means enjoying more one-on-one time with yourself than most others do. As a water sign, go ahead and take a leaf outta the sloth’s book and go for a solo dip in the ocean! Did you know that despite sloths’ adaptation to living in trees, they’re actually really good swimmers? Bring along this sloth beach towel for extra sloth power.

5. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

BethWolff43/BethWolff43

Sagittarians crave adventure — you’ll jump at any chance you can get for a change of scenery. How’s a trip to the Amazon rainforest sound for some cool new scenery?! Sloths live in the canopy layer here, and visiting the rainforest could be one of the most magical experiences of your life. Find more information about planning a trip here.

6. Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

vilainecrevette/vilainecrevette

Ambitious and focused, you’re all about putting in the hard work necessary to reach your goals. You deserve a break, you workaholic. But sitting around on your booty doing nada just isn’t your style. Channel your inner sloth by moving slowly and intently in a low-intensity yoga class. Bonus points for toting along one of these adorable sloth yoga mats.

7. Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Summer Anne Burton

Those born under the sign of Aquarius are drawn toward philanthropic activity and doing things for the greater good of the world rather than for selfish reasons. So grab your passport and turn your next trip into a charitable one by staying at the Sloth Sanctuary of Costa Rica! Check out the rooms available in its bed-and-breakfast here.

8. Aries (March 21 – April 19)

vilainecrevette/vilainecrevette / Via simkasol.com

You have no qualms being the center of attention — in fact, that’s usually how you prefer it — especially when it comes to being complimented on your personal style. Get your little paws on this adorable sloth crop top by Simka Sol for $28. Bonus: 5% of sales are donated to the Wildlife Conservation Network.

9. Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Ranu Abhelakh / Reuters / Via commons.wikimedia.org

As a Taurian, you’re not exactly fond of change, and the idea of shaking up your everyday routine, quite frankly, gives you the heebie-jeebies. You also tend to have a few close friends rather than a bunch of acquaintances all over the damn place. So go on, grab your best buds, and have a risk-free sloth experience at your nearest Rainforest Café.

10. Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Never boring, you’ve got magnetic wit and charm that make you the life of the party, even when there isn’t a party. It comes naturally to you, as you’re intellectually inclined and love learning and discussing new things. Why don’t you learn some new tidbits about the sloth? Spice up that big ol’ bookshelf with A Little Book of Sloth by Lucy Cooke, available on Amazon for $12.95.

11. Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

vilainecrevette/vilainecrevette

You’re domestically inclined, and you feel most comfortable in your home surrounded by the people you love and care about. Make yourself (and your friends, partner, family, or roommates) a sloth-inspired meal with creative shoot- and leaf-based dishes. Try this yummy recipe for bamboo shoot, mushroom, and long bean stir-fry.

12. Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)

PABLO HIDALGO/PABLO HIDALGO

Sloths love to snooze — clocking in at an average of 10 hours of sleep per day in the wild and 16 in captivity. You’re a dreamer with an imagination that cannot be tamed, so a comfy bedroom conducive to inspiring thoughts AND a good night’s rest is important to you too. Add to the coziness with this sloth duvet cover, pillow case, and sloth pillow.

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