1. There are a minimum of 200 guests — and they'll all be at the church too.
2. There are approximately 20 bridesmaids — all of whom are family members because World War III would have broken out if you'd chosen one cousin but not another.
3. It takes forever to find your seat placement cards because they all have the same names.
4. Cocktail hour includes all the antipasto of your wildest dreams.
5. There are several bottles of wine on every table.
6. It took the bride and groom roughly three months to figure out seating...
7. There's a veil. And it's super important.
8. The tarantella will play (at least twice).
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9. You'll hear "Finiculi, Finicula" and "Volare" too.
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10. And they'll all get your little Italian nonna on the dance floor...
11. ...just in time for her to ask you and all your single siblings/cousins when you'll be getting married.
12. Within an hour, all the women will be dancing without shoes.
13. The maid of honor's speech includes how she can't wait to be a godmother.
14. If the mother of bride is wearing black, it miiiight be a sign she doesn't exactly love the groom.
15. There are always *those* family members who wait to put money in the card until the end of the wedding — when they've decided if it was a good enough party.
16. And then there's that one uncle who only makes an appearance at weddings and funerals and who everyone is pretty sure might be in the mob.
17. Viennese hour is NO joke.
18. And it probably includes one of these bad boys.
19. You can bet your bottom dollar the wedding cake has cannoli cream lurking somewhere in its layers.
20. The espresso machine makes a grander entrance than the bride and groom themselves.
21. There are at least a handful of relatives who bring Tupperware for leftovers.
22. There's a bundle of Jordan almonds on top of the wedding favor.
23. Which is likely yet another ceramic knickknack that'll go on to collect dust in your junk drawer.
24. And if you're a New York Italian-American, there's a high chance you've had or been to a wedding here...
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25. Any and all gossip by your older guests will be spoken exclusively in Italian.
26. Everyone leaves having had an AWESOME time...because let's face it: Italians know how to party.
