1. Quinn, in Caracas to execute one of the men responsible for the Langley bombing, accidentally kills a child.
The picture of the dead child sent back to Virginia instead of the dead target really said it all.
2. On live television, Saul rats out Carrie to the senate committee as being bipolar and sleeping with Brody.
One of the few times Carrie’s cry face was justified. (But then we learned she was faking. Argh.)
3. Saul is a huge jerk to Fara about her decision to wear a hijab to work.
He brings up some bullshit about it reminding her coworkers of the people that bombed them, but really he’s just being an ass.
4. Carrie tries to get a reporter to write her side of the story after Saul’s confession.
Because she hasn’t made enough stupid decisions already.
5. Carrie is thrown into a psych ward on orders from the CIA.
She is held indefinitely and forced to start taking lithium again. Like Carrie says: “Fuck you, Saul.”
6. Episode 3 is so gruesome, you’re basically oscillating between screaming and hiding your eyes.
This entire episode makes you feel somewhat sorry for the “most dangerous” (???) man in the world.
7. Carrie shows up at Saul’s house.
And you learn about the whole play and you’re screaming with excitement because finally, finally, this season is getting interesting.
8. Carrie performs the “yoga play” to help find Dana.
This woman truly is the smartest and dumbest fucking person that Saul, I, you, and anyone has ever met.
9. Senator Lockhart tells Saul he’s going to be the new CIA director in a bird hyde.
And thus begins the “Senator Lockhart Is the Worst” club. Member since Season 3, Episode 5.
10. Carrie explains to Javadi that they’re blackmailing him.
And you’re like: “Wait, what? Explain that again.” No, really. Explain it again.
11. Carrie takes a pregnancy test and adds it to the dozens she’s hiding in her drawer.
What in the world?
12. Javadi kills his daughter-in-law and ex-wife with his grandson in the room.
Smashing your ex-wife’s neck with a bottle really takes violent to a new level.
13. Quinn shoots Carrie to stop her from going after the Langley bomber and ruining the operation.
Again, Carrie is being so stupid. Just stay in the car, Carrie!
14. Saul shows up in Caracas with a bag of $10 million and one guard to pick up a strung out, half-dead Brody.
Wouldn’t the director of the CIA send someone to do this for him?
15. Brody detoxes.
Watching Brody physically detox and then mentally detox is just plain disturbing.
16. Carrie takes Brody off the base to see Dana, who is now working as a maid at a motel.
CARRIE, STOP BEING SO STUPID. At this point in the season, I can’t even speak about her without yelling.
17. At the Iraq/Iran border, Brody and his team of Marines get stopped and questioned by Iraqi police.
Holy shit. Two little innocent words will never mean the same to you again.
18. Brody refuses to abort the mission and tries to make a run for the Iran border.
Um, where’d they come from?
19. Javadi comes to the holding cell to take Brody to Tehran.
Couldn’t they just let him go? TURANI WAS SO NICE. :(
20. After a failed attempt to assassinate General Akbari, Brody aligns with the Iranian government and goes on television to publicly bash the United States.
Just pick a side, Brody. PICK A SIDE.
21. Carrie catches on to the CIA’s decision to kill Brody and tries to get him out of Iran before he is killed.
WHY IS SHE SO STUPID? WHAT IS SHE EVEN DOING IN IRAN, OTHER THAN MESSING THINGS UP?
22. Brody gets a meeting with General Akbari and confesses about the entire operation against him, including outing Javadi.
…. uhhh …… ???
23. But before you can even react to his betrayal, he kills General Akbari.
And you’re like, shit, how is he going to get out of this office?
24. And then Brody walks right out of General Akbari’s office.
He is only stopped because he is still wearing his visitor’s badge and they need it back. WHAT THE? HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE THE DEAD BODY?
25. There is a dramatic turn of events at the safe house, just as Carrie thinks Brody is being airlifted to safety.
Lockhart, you’ve always sucked. But giving Brody’s location to Javadi confirmed it: You’re the worst.
26. Brody is executed by Javadi’s men.
Wait, Brody isn’t like Jack Bauer? He’s really going to die? Wait, no, someone stop this.
27. Carrie draws a star for Brody on the memorial wall.
Everyone knows at this point how much Carrie loves Brody. But, c’mon, you’re defacing a national memorial! (At least it wasn’t a heart.)