9 Ways To Tell Them What You Really Want

It’s not always easy to communicate your most intimate thoughts, but it is worth it to take your relationship to the next level. Here are a few ways you can get closer, and go further.

1. Be Honest With Yourself.

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The first step is to be truthful about how you’re feeling with yourself. Is there something that interests you that you haven’t explored yet? Don’t bottle it up.

2. Narrow It Down.

Try to be as specific as possible about your fantasy. This will make it easier to communicate what you’re envisioning to your partner. The more broad you make your fantasies, the harder it is to bring them to life in a meaningful way.

3. Do Some Research.

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Chances are you’re not the only one who is feeling this way. It’s a big world, and there are a lot of people out there just like you. Do a little research and find out how people are talking about your fantasies, and maybe even how they are approaching them in their relationships. Try reading this article from The Kinsey Institute.

4. Don’t be ashamed of how you feel.

Maybe watch some instructional videos from a reliable source like Kink Academy.

5. Join a social network dedicated to discussing your fantasy.

Something established like Fet Life might help you better understand what other couples have gone through and are experiencing. The Internet is an excellent place to find information and make connections, as long as you know where to go.

6. Set emotional and physical boundaries.

Make sure you know how far you’re willing to go before you try. Read some materials about setting boundaries in your relationship.

7. Be inclusive, not demanding.

Consider the thoughts and feelings of your partner as well as your own. Fulfilling a fantasy is about creating satisfaction for both of you, not just your own gratification. Be unselfish.

8. Don’t randomly surprise them.

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Be brave and have a conversation about it, don’t just bring it up in the bedroom — it will feel forced, almost like you’re putting them on the spot. Studies have shown couples who are comfortable talking about sex outside of the bedroom have a better sex life.

9. Take a confidential test and see what you’re both interested in.

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Still concerned that neither of you will be on the same page? You and your partner can this test about what you’re interested in, and only the fantasies you have in common will appear in your joint results (and none of the stuff you don’t). You won’t be embarrassed, but you might just be pleasantly surprised at your similarities.

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