13 Ways Watching A Horror Movie Changes You Forever

It’s not paranoia if they are out to get you.

1. You become a master of seeing shadow monsters in your peripheral vision.

Those fuckers aren’t sneaking up on you.

2. When alone at night you ignore the weird noises, potential burglars be damned.

Hahaha, nice try monsters! Not investigating that. Nope. No.

3. You are pretty sure that cold spot is the vent but just in case you avoid it.

Or at least cover up with an anti-ghost blanket. Everyone knows ghosts hate fleece.

4. Then berate your cat for staring at that spot unblinking for hours.

Stop it Fluffy.

5. You finally have a good reason to get in shape.

Exercise leads to a longer life…as you outrun all your friends.

6. Your newfound love of running makes you a bedtime parkour master.

Perfectly timed light switches keep the undead children from consuming your soul.

7. You always know your exits.

And try to keep your back to the wall until you need them.

8. Hotel closets are eyed with suspicion.

There’s no way to prove maid service isn’t in league with Satan so check the closet out just be on the safe side.

9. No matter where you are, you know what can be cobbled into a weapon.

Whether it be for killer clowns, crazed ghosts, or boring old self-defense from humans.

10. You have a healthy fear/respect for mirrors and ouija boards.

And old books, dead languages, spooky houses, basements, and existence in general.

 

11. People wonder about your compulsive need to check your gas gauge.

“A quarterly oil change keeps the killer demons away” doesn’t roll off the tongue but it’s still true.

12. Your decor choices are determined by safety.

Couches that sit flush to the ground and clear shower curtains won’t stop you from being dragged to Hell but at least you’ll see it coming.

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13. And of course you never, NEVER pick up hitchhikers.

Nothing good ever comes from the side of the road at 2AM.

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