1. The entirety of Sleepless in Seattle.
Guess who isn’t going to pick out a great partner for you? Your 6-year-old.
2. When Harry confesses his love to Sally on New Year’s Eve.
Yes, Harry and Sally were SO PERFECT for each other and JUST NEVER SAW IT. But do you know what it’s actually called when you’re in your late 30s and you propose to your friend with whom attempts at a romantic relationship have all failed explosively? Desperate settling.
3. “I like you, just as you are.” -Bridget Jones’ Diary
You can’t deny that your mind flashes to this moment every time you get the tiniest of critiques.
4. When Julia Roberts agrees to go out with a bookshop owner she knows nothing about in Notting Hill.
Sorry you went through all the trouble of getting a job at Barnes & Noble, but your celeb crush isn’t going to walk through the door to start a torrid affair.
5. The letters Ryan Gosling writes for a year in The Notebook.
God, 40 Days of Dating was annoying enough. You want a year of this nonsense?
I find myself looking into the toilet and contemplating mortality.
6. In Grease, when Danny and Sandy both decide their personalities are less important than a relationship together.
The biggest obstacle to your romantic happiness: everything that makes you unique.
7. Anything that takes places on top of the Empire State Building.
It is crowded. Always. And not with romantic young lovers. With tourists who are pushing against the already existing wall of people and whose children are running in front of you and trying to see if they can scream loud enough that people on the street hear them.
8. In Once, when the woman confesses her love (in Czech) to a man (who doesn’t speak Czech).
Every time a stranger on the street says something in a language I don’t speak, I’m afraid I’m missing out on the love of my life. That’s putting a lot of dang pressure on a trip to the grocery store.
9. When Dustin Hoffman stops a wedding in The Graduate.
So should people hope that they find the one and then a different the one and go through all the motions of marrying the lesser one so the greater one can swoop in and save them? That’s chaos. Expensive chaos.
10. “You had me at hello.” -Jerry Maguire.
Not only does Person 1 have to deliver an amazingly romantic speech, Person 2 has to come up with an equally heart-wrenching response.
11. When Romeo and Juliet decide to get married after knowing each other for about a week.
That’s a pretty aggressive timeline to compare your relationship to.
12. In Up, when Ellie fills up the travel scrapbook with photos from their wedding with a note that says, “Thanks for the adventure!”
Nothing will ever be as true as their love. NOTHING.