1. A cannonball
Let’s just call this one an act of desperation.
2. A tablecloth
HE JUST WANTED AN INVITATION, OKAY?
3. An unopened can of sardines
Which did he enjoy more: the can or the sardines?
4. A fur coat
If you can’t buy a fur coat, you might as well eat one. I think Coco Chanel said that to herself, in private.
5. A porcupine
It was worth a shot, ya know?
6. A polar bear
Not sure there’s a good explanation for this one.
There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to experiment.
8. A lump of coal
Because there were no more cannonballs!
9. A horse
Quite the hunger he must’ve had.
10. Wine bottles
This was probably after a bad day at the office, so let’s let this one slide.
11. A cardboard box
A CARDBOARD BOX IS A DREAM YOUR HEART MAKES. Or something.
12. A copy of The Times
I guess some hate the vows column a bit more than others.