20 Ridiculous Things You Never Knew About Kim Jong-Il

On Saturday, North Korea lost a great, great man. And by great, great man, I mean a horrible, horrible liar. Seriously, he has actually taken credit for everything in this list. posted on

1. Kim Jong-Il “coached” the 2010 Korean World Cup soccer team with an invisible phone

“North Korean manager Kim Jong-Hun reportedly gets coaching advice directly from the country’s diminutive dictator via an invisible cell phone.”

2. In 2004, Kim Jong-Il claimed to have invented the hamburger

Jong-il called them ‘gogigyeopbbang,’ which is Korean for ‘double bread with meat.’ Just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

3. Kim Jong-nam, the oldest son of Kim John-Il, was originally going to replace his father but lost his chance after a “botched attempt” to visit Japan’s Disneyland

“In 2001, Kim Jong-nam and his entourage were detained at Narita airport, en route to Tokyo Disneyland. Kim had attempted to enter the country on a forged Dominican Republic passport, using the Chinese name Pang Xiong - Fat Bear. “

4. Kim Jong-Il was actually born in Siberia

That makes him Russian.

5. Kim Jong-Il once attempted to ship all the short people out of North Korea

“Jong-il’s government issued a letter to every short man and woman in the city, telling them of a new wonder drug which would boost them to average, if not beyond — but, when the short people arrived, they found no drug present. Rather, they found themselves kidnapped, whisked away to parts unknown, in an attempt to rid Pyongyang’s gene pool of their substandard stature. These people were never heard from again.”

6. Kim Jong-Il’s father, Kim Il-sung, is technically still in charge of North Korea

That’s right, the president of North Korea is a dead man.

7. Kim Jong-Il does not have an officially recognized date of birth

Soviet records list it as February 16th, 1941, while Korean records list it as 1942.

8. In 1978, Kim Jong-Il kidnapped director Shin Sang-ok and forced him to make a “socialist Godzilla” film

Sang-ok later escaped to the United States and directed Three Ninjas: Knuckle Up.

9. There is a flower, Kimjongilia, named after him

10. Kim Jong-Il has over 50 unique titles

These include: “Guiding Star of the 21st Century, Brilliant Leader, Commander-in-Chief, Guiding Sun Ray, Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love, Party Center, Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander, and Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have.”

11. Kim Jong-Il “routinely shoots 3-4 hole-in-ones” every time he plays golf

12. Kim Jong-Il is a heavy drinker, reportedly spending spending about up to $800,000 a year on Hennessy cognac

All this until 2006, when a UN resolution effectively banned foreign goods from going to North Korea

13. Kim Jong-Il’s favorite movies were Friday the 13th, Rambo, and Godzilla

14. Kim Jong-Il planned to breed giant rabbits to solve North Korea’s hunger problems

“Despite Szmolinsky warning that the rabbits would make the situation worse - they only yield about 15 pounds of meat and have a huge appetite for carrots and potatoes - Kim insisted the animals should still be sent.”

15. When he was forced to give up cigarettes for health reasons, Kim Jong-Il forced the entire country to do the same - effectively banning them

He has also banned “mobile phones, newspapers, the internet and books.”

16. Kim Jong-Il reportedly injects his body with the “blood of virgins” in an effort to stay young

17. Kim Jong-Il kept up a completely deserted propaganda city

Kijŏng-dong is a city right on the border between North and South Korea. The city contains “a number of brightly painted buildings and apartments” that, upon closer inspection, are just “concrete shells lacking window glass or even interior rooms, with building lights turned on and off at set times and empty sidewalks swept by a skeleton crew of caretakers” to give the city the “illusion of activity.”

18. Kim Jong-Il’s biography claims his birth was “foretold by a swallow and heralded by a glorious double rainbow and the appearance of a new star”

19. And that he can control the weather

20. His biography also says that he does not defecate or urinate

No wonder he was so full of shit.

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