1 BuzzFeed-Style List Of The 31 Ways Jon Stewart Spent Summer Vacation

We know you thought Jon Stewart had just gotten taller and more British. You were wrong. #WelcomeBackJon tonight at 11/10c on @ComedyCentral. This summer John Oliver hosted the show while Jon Stewart...

1.

Cobbled shoes in a small Italian village.

2.

Participated in a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness, where he served as admiral of an elfish navy vessel.

3.

Got pregnant.

4.

Performed a David Blaine-like stunt where he spent 90 straight days not hosting a talk show.

5.

Recovered from a state-of-the-art procedure in which he switched faces with Nicolas Cage.

6.

Got his arm caught under a boulder while hiking.

7.

Found himself trapped in a Chilean mine with 18 other talk show hosts.

8.

Spent the summer on an Eat, Pray, Love style journey to find himself, which included the part where he sleeps with Javier Bardem.

9.

Traveled to Moscow, or Ecuador, or on a flight somewhere, or escaped from the national zoo.

10.

Walked across the Grand Canyon on a tight rope.

11.

Followed his dream and worked as a nude model for the arts program at Rutgers.

12.

Searched for treasure based on a map he found on the back of the Constitution.

13.

Went on a rumspringa.

14.

Grew too tired of watching you have sex during his show.

15.

Waited to emerge from Kate Middleton’s vagina.

16.

Posed undercover as a high school student in order to bust a drug ring.

17.

Tweeted a picture of himself.

18.

Taught sexy dancing to a community in the Catskills that’s not yet ready to handle it.

19.

Went on tour with his ambient jazz quartet, Jonny F and the Electric Stew Machine.

20.

Was kidnapped and trapped in a cage in the Middle East, constructing his own Iron Man suit.

21.

Filmed a National Geographic special, slowly gaining the trust of a family of meerkats.

22.

Waited at home for Time Warner to come fix his cable. They said they’d be in between noon and two on June 10th.

23.

Spent the summer with a lonely millionaire.

24.

Was stranded on an uninhabited island in the pacific, learning about the human condition and befriending a volleyball.

25.

Attempted to break the world record for smashing the most watermelons with his head in under two minutes.

26.

Was taken over by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos.

27.

Competed to be America’s Next Top Model.

28.

Fulfilled the terms of his crazy uncle’s will by spending the whole time in a haunted house.

29.

Hosted The Doily Show, America’s greatest satirical lace centerpiece program.

30.

Prepared his costume for next year’s Carnivale.

31.

Spent the entire summer at training camp with the New York Giants.

32.

Directed a movie that he wrote. #WelcomeBackJon