1. They’re big and clumsy.
Just think about it: they can barely climb furniture, they certainly can’t walk on tabletops and shelves, and they don’t even land on their feet when they fall. Overall, dogs are just plain derpy. What are they good at, exactly?
2. They drool constantly.
When we, normal cats, see something we want to eat, we take it. When dogs see something they want to eat, they drool. That’s not only super gross, but doesn’t accomplish anything. Dogs could learn a thing or two from our superior go-getter attitudes.
3. They’re unsanitary, and they love it.
Any real cat knows that cleaning yourself every day is an important measure in having good hygiene, and one of the basic principles of being a cat. Even after all this time, dogs don’t seem to understand this yet. What’s worse is that they often seem to like being dirty. It makes one wonder if they do it just to disgust us. If so, they’re doing a fantastic job.
4. They’re absurdly dependent on humans.
Alright, we get it: they feed us. But waiting around nervously for them to get home, bowing down subserviently on command, and showing that much emotion and affection is pretty pathetic. And don’t even get us started on the begging. They don’t seem to know that you’re supposed to own your human; not the other way around.
5. They’re too cheerful.
You can’t have control over your human if you can’t even control yourself. Unlike dogs, we know how to stay calm and collected with just the right amount of disdain and apathy; it gets us what we want. Also because, let’s face it, nothing in the entire world is worth jumping up and down like an idiot over.
6. They love water. (WARNING: This picture shows a dog swimming in water and is not for the faint of heart. View at your own risk!)
It is true that our disdain for water doesn’t inhibit us from drinking it, but we know our boundaries. Dogs, being the misguided creatures they are, sadly do not. They willingly go swimming, take baths, and let humans spray them with those terrifying hoses. Someday, maybe, they’ll understand the grave consequences of touching water.
7. They make that agonizing sound called barking.
Is peace, quiet, and a little intellectual conversation too much to ask for? We’ve all tried to reason with dogs at one time or another, but all they do is raise their voices to try to get their points across. Absolutely barbaric.
8. They’re obsessed with sticks.
We saved the worst for last. Behind the vacant, blissful stare of a dog carrying a stick, there’s a dark secret. Scientists haven’t yet figured out the mystery behind sticks or what they represent to dogs, but it’s advisable to keep an eye out whenever your dog brings home a new one. Some believe that sticks hold a sacred significance to dogs, something that maybe they themselves can’t explain. Others think dogs are using sticks to plan something, perhaps an uprising, after waiting for centuries in quiet obedience and feigned stupidity. That’s a radical theory, though; one that requires much more intelligence than we know dogs to possess.