10 Turkeys That Are Winning At This Whole Thanksgiving Thing

Some turkeys are lucky enough to get pardoned every Thanksgiving, and some aren’t. These 10 turkeys are taking matters into their own wings and pardoning themselves. Make your own luck with the Quicksilver® card from Capital One® and earn unlimited 1.5% cash back. #KaCHING!

1. Flyer: The Barnyard Banksy

Franco Folini (CC BY-SA 2.0) Flickr: livenature / Via Shutterstock

Leaving his mark wherever he goes, you never know where this bird will end up. One thing’s for sure though: He won’t end up on your dinner plate.

2. Liberty: The Turnstile Bandit

en.wikipedia.org / Via BuzzFeed / Dane Bjorklund

Caught sneaking under the turnstile, in style, at 5:05 a.m.

3. Cyrus: The Wrecking Butterball

RCA / Shutterstock / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

Following his lifelong dream of controversial pop stardom, Cyrus originated the sexy wrecking ball act. Some chick from Montana caught wind of it and made national news, immortalizing Cyrus as a true pop innovator.

4. Splash: Canada’s Most Wanted

Thinkstock (Turkey) / Shutterstock (Niagara Falls) / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

Before fleeing America, Splash had no idea that “Canadian Thanksgiving” was anything more than a punchline. Now he’s on the run once again. But that’s not stopping him from hitting up all the important landmarks!

5. E.L. Jamestown: The Filthy Fowl

Thinkstock / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

This bestselling author’s cookbook will be leaving kitchens filthy this holiday season, but the author won’t be there to see any of the mess.

6. ???, ??? and ???: Witness Protection Poultry

Shutterstock (Background and Turkeys) / Thinkstock (Costumes) / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

All we know about these three is that they will not be joining your feast this Thanksgiving. We cannot divulge any more information. In fact, we’ve already said too much.

7. Stuffy: The Vegan Chef

Shutterstock / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

Lending her talons and talents to the kitchen, Stuffy will be catering Thanksgiving dinner this year. Dinner guests will be served a completely vegan Thanksgiving meal, which we hear is super trendy nowadays.

8. Don: The Mafia Domesticated Don

Thinkstock (Background) / Shutterstock (Turkey) / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

Not wanting to end up slathered in sauce, Don took matters into his own hands and became “the boss.”

9. Elaine: The Dine-and-Dash Diva

Thinkstock / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

This year Elaine is thankful for her quick little feet. She was last seen in Los Angeles, dining at five-star restaurants, ordering all the Thanksgiving fixings (besides turkey, of course), and trotting out on the bill.

10. Chips: The Gobble Gobble Gambler

Thinkstock / Via BuzzFeed / James Devogelear

This year, Chips won’t be on your dinner table when you count your blessings. She’ll be counting her own poker chips as she’s cleaning up at the $10,000 buy-in tables.

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