Take Campbell’s SAT - Soup Aptitude Test

The normal SATs are a boring test used to crush the dreams of teens who want to grow up to be supermodels and racecars or whatever. So try the Campbell’s Go Soup Aptitude Test instead.

1. SOUP is to CAMPBELL’S GO as LIONS are to:


1) SNAKES

2) TUNDRAS

3) SCARY

4) A CUTE CAT IN A LION COSTUME

2. What literary technique is used in the following sentence:


This CAMPBELL’S GO SOUP is so good it’s like I’m walking through a bustling bazaar in Morocco, and a mysterious-but-friendly soup vendor has just given me a bowl of delicious Moroccan-styled soup to enjoy whilst I peruse this tent that’s selling relics and stuff, like globes and statuettes and swords and whatever.

1) METAPHOR

2) SIMILE

3) MARKETING

4) SOUP-BASED ESCAPISM

3. Find the mistake in the sentence: “I spilled a can of Campbell’s Go Spicy Chorizo soup all over my Latin homework.”


1) NEEDS MORE APOSTROPHES, JUST TOSS THEM IN AT THE END OF THE SENTENCE LIKE THIS ”””” HA HA GRAMMAR I LOVE IT

2) CAMPBELL’S GO SOUP COMES IN POUCHES, NOT CANS

3) METAPHOR

4) HEY I DID THIS ONCE TOO AND MY DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK BECAUSE IT TASTED SPICY AND HE LIKES SPICY THINGS (FOODS, LATIN MEN) ANYWAY LONG STORY SHORT I LOVE MY DOG, THANKS

4. Which of the following sentences is an example of foreshadowing?


1) I’M GONNA EAT THIS SOUP FOR DINNER LATER BUT FIRST I HAVE TO SPEND 7 HOURS ON TUMBLR.

2) IF MY MOM BOUGHT THAT NORMAL WATERY SOUP INSTEAD OF CAMPBELL’S GO I’M GOING TO GO CRY, SLAM MY DOOR, THEN SPEND 7 HOURS ON TUMBLR.

3) “AH-HA!” EXCLAIMED THE MOROCCAN GLOBE-STATUETTE-AND-SWORD SALESMAN AS HE RUBBED HIS HANDS TOGETHER, “EVERYTHING IS GOING EXACTLY ACCORDING TO PLAN.”

4) ALL OF THE ABOVE

5. Which of the following demonstrates Newton’s Second Law of Thermodynamics?


1) I CLEANED MY ROOM LIKE YESTERDAY AND NOW THERE’S JUST CRAP AND JUNK ON THE FLOOR AND LIKE TEN THOUSAND PAIRS OF JEANS AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT COMES FROM AND I’M CRYING

2) I GOT SO ANGRY AT MY MOM FOR BUYING GENERIC-BRAND SOUP THAT I GRABBED MYSELF BY THE SHOULDERS AND HURLED MYSELF INTO OUTER SPACE AND I ACCELERATED TO 99% THE SPEED OF LIGHT AND THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T ANSWER YOUR TEXTS

3) I SPILLED SOUP ON THE TABLE BUT I ATE IT ANYWAY. I LITERALLY JUST SMASHED MY SPOON ONTO THE TABLETOP AND WAS EVEN THINKING ABOUT WIPING IT UP WITH A PAPER TOWEL THEN SUCKING ON THE PAPER TOWEL. I DON’T EVEN CARE

4) IT’S SO HARD TO BE A TEEN THESE DAYS YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW

6. Which biome and native fauna pairing is incorrect?


1) CHAPARRAL and BAJA BLUE ROCK LIZARD

2) BOG and DUMB BOG BUG

3) RARE GLOBE APPRAISAL STORE and NAÏVE MILLENNIAL TEEN

4) TUNDRA and POUCHES OF CAMPBELL’S GO SOUP SITTING ALL ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TUNDRA

7. Which of the following sentences is an example of hyperbole?


1) THIS CAMPBELL’S GO COCONUT CURRY WITH CHICKEN AND SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS IS SO GOOD THAT THE HISTORY BOOKS ARE REWRITING THEMSELVES SO AS TO ERASE THE WRONGS AND INJUSTICES OF A WORLD BENT ON THE DOMINATION OF THE UNREPRESENTED.

2) THIS CAMPBELL’S GO CHICKEN AND QUINOA WITH POBLANO CHILIES IS SO GOOD THAT I’M GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BAG AND THEN TAKE A NAP.

3) THIS DUSTY GLOBE IS SO OVERPRICED THAT THERE MUST BE SOME SORT OF MAGIC GEMSTONE HIDDEN INSIDE IT.

4) I’M A MILLENNIAL YOU STUPID TEST, WE DON’T USE HYPERBOLE. WE KEEP IT REAL. FIGHT ME

8. Which is an example of a logical IF/THEN sentence?


1) IF PIGS COULD FLY THEN I STILL WOULDN’T CARE.

2) IF THERE’S NOTHING IN THE HOUSE TO EAT THEN I’LL JUST STARE AT THE WALL FOR A FEW HOURS AND GO TO BED.

3) IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO MY TEACHER DESCRIBE BIOMES AGAIN THEN I WILL CRY EVEN MORE THAN USUAL.

4) IF YOU WANT THE FLAVORS OF HOMEMADE SOUPS BUT BE REAL WITH ME YOU CAN’T COOK ANYTHING PLUS YOU’RE LAZY THEN GET CAMPBELL’S GO SOUPS.

9. A train departs for Casablanca at 10:00 PM, heading north at 55 MPH. Minutes later at 10:05 PM, a very sexy sportscar embarks toward Casablanca, speeding northward at 70 MPH along the winding Moroccan coastline. Which will arrive in Casablanca first?


1) WAIT, MY DOOR IS UNLOCKED

2) AND MY GEMSTONE IS GONE, REPLACED WITH A NOTE THAT READS “SEE YOU AT THE TUNDRA”

3) WHOEVER STOLE MY GEMSTONE ALSO TOOK MY CAMPBELL’S GO SOUPS

4) IT’S PAYBACK TIME

10. If S > O, and U > P, what else must be true?


1) HOW CAN YOU TALK GREATER THAN AND LESS THAN AT A TIME LIKE THIS

2) THE VICE-CHANCELLOR IS HOLDING MY SOUPS HOSTAGE AND HE PLANS TO ACTIVATE THE GEMSTONE AT MIDNIGHT

3) OPENING A GATEWAY TO HELL ITSELF

4) THIS WAS ALL COVERED EARLIER WERE YOU JUST NOT LISTENING

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