Stand-Up Career - Late ’90s
Best line: “I want to pay a celebrity to show up to my funeral. Here’s five grand, just fly to my funeral, cry, then leave. That’s it. All my friends and family at my funeral would be like ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe he’s dead. It’s just not right, man, It’s just not… is that John Stamos? Did Nick know John Stamos? Oh my God, he’s really crying.”
Psychotic Bowie Fan - Almost Famous - 2000
Best (only) line: “Oh my GOD IT’S BOWWWWIE!”
Mocha - Malibu’s Most Wanted - 2003
Best line: “Don’t you talk about my mama.” “I’ll talk about your mama all I want.” “Hell, no! Yo mama so fat, she got every caterer on speed dial!” “Ooh!”
It’s Terrrrrrry! - Reno! 911 - 2003
Best line: “He says he’s out here recording his album.” “I am recording my album. See? I have a violin.” “That’s a ukulele, Terry.” “YOU’RE a ukulele.”
Gay Robot - Gay Robot - 2006
Best line: “While the professor was building the robot, he spilled a wine cooler on him and he came out gay.” “I don’t know any gay dudes.” “Do you know any robots?”
Jeff - Grandma’s Boy - 2006
Best line: “Dude, your bed is a car…” “Yeah, but it’s a fucking sweet car.”
Hector - Blades of Glory - 2007
Best line: “You look great Jimmy. You look amazing and your hair rocks. You look so good, oh my gosh. You look at yourself? I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday. It’s coming up.”
Michael - You Don’t Mess with the Zohan - 2008
Best line: “What are you? Bionic?” “No, I only like the ladies.”
Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time - 2011
Best line: “You were lost in the wilderness for 48 hours, and it says here you panicked and started eating rocks?” “Yeah, I just didn’t want to starve to death.”
Travis - 30 Minutes or Less - 2011
Best line: “Remember when me and you worshiped the devil for like, two weeks?” “That was the best two weeks of my life.”
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
Best line” “Everyone keeps talking about my accent, but Im from America!” Nick Swardson is starring as Bucky Larson in Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star, in theaters everywhere on September 9th.
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