1. You should always know the power of the shoulder pad!
2. Nothing says “I will destroy your company and sleep with your husband,” like shoulder wings.
3. An Italian cigarette makes the best accessory when cussing out a sworn enemy.
4. If you’re going to be arrested, make sure you do it in a ball gown.
Jeans are for TRASH.
Basically, at all times you should like an extra from Doctor Zhivago.
Lara Antipov, eat your heart out.
11. …or too much sparkle!
Yes, you want to look like a figure skater.
13. …or weird embroidery. This is the best way to confuse your sworn enemies with glamour.
14. This is the only way you should look when taking a nap:
Sweatpants are for TRASH.
16. Just because you’re laid up in the hospital doesn’t mean you can slouch on the glamour.
17. And this is especially true of bathtubs.
Perfectly made up hair and makeup? Check.