40 Thoughts Everyone Has When Playing FIFA

“I’m never buying FIFA again!” - You, every year.

1. Alright, this’ll be fun. Just play like Barcelona. Tiki-taka.
2. Why did I buy this? It’s exactly the same every year…
3. Offside! It wasn’t for him! He didn’t play at the ball!
4. That was off by like one inch! Fuck!
5. There is NO WAY the defender is that fast!
6. Ronaldo would outrun Mertesacker any day.
7. Every shot I take goes straight to the keeper.
8. This. Is. So. FRUSTRATING.
9. Another lobbed ball?! They can’t work 100% of the time!
10. Yes. Yes. SHOOT! GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

11. Okay, just stay in front now. Don’t let this slip.
12. WTF
13. When did the AI suddenly become the terminator?!
14. THAT’S NOT THE PLAYER I WANT TO SELECT!
15. TACKLE DAMMIT TACKLE!
16. Wait.
17. What is my goalkeeper doing?
18. DON’T RUN OUT. STOP. STOPP.
19. FUCK.
20. Fuck this fucking game and its fucking stupid fucking kick-off glitch.

21. Okay. It’s okay, just be calm. You can get back into this, easy.
22. Would be great if my defenders could defend.
23. And, like, not forget how to tackle in the final five minutes of each half.
24. Their defender CAN NOT be that strong!
25. DON’T PASS TO HIM HE’S OFFSIDE.
26. NOT HIM, THE OTHER ONE FOR FUCKS SAKE.
27. Every header is a goal.
28. Why? Why??!!!?? WHY?
29. All my players have the HEAVIEST first touch. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
30. Yep, AI is definitely gonna score here.

31. I’m gonna sim the next match.
32. Oh, good. only three injuries and one red card.
33. Back passes NEVER WORK. Fact.
34. Through ball. Through ball. Every time a through ball.
35. I am so over all of this
36. I’m never going to buy this stupid fucking game ever again.
37. Maybe I’ll start playing PES.
38. EA are a bunch of fucking scumbags.
39. Fuck. I FUCKING SHOT. IT WAS ONE ON ONE. THERE’S NO WAY HE SHOULD HAVE SAVED THAT.
40. I give up.

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