1. Loud Instruments And Other Things That Make Noise
They think: Let there be music!
But really… “Hot Cross Buns” is a powerful number, although it probably won’t warp Jr. into this century’s Mozart.
2. Enormous Stuffed Animals
They think: Cuddly!
But really… Sure, easy to store in my ultra-secret invisible garage yet convenient for daily cuddle breaks.
3. Stuffed Animals In General
They think: Cuddly and portable!
But really… Another plush push toward suffocation. Cool.
4. Apparel Supporting THEIR Team
They think: Woo! Go the mascot of the school only I went to!
But really… Did I ever actually make it past the tail-gating at my school? My daughter can wait to practice her beer pong wrist flick, seriously.
5. Swaggy Baby Shoes
They think: He will be quite the miniature stud!
But really… My little one ain’t upright mobile yet, so—aren’t they just pricy ornaments?
6. 9999999-Piece Puzzles
They think: To build problem-solving skills!
But really… It’s almost like magnets hide in between couch cushions, under the fridge, etc. attracting stray pieces. Ugh!
7. Aggressively Gender-Specific Clothing
They think: She’s as precious as a princess!
But really… She totally is, which is why we should let her know early on her color-pairing possibilities extent far beyond pink.
8. Nickelodeon Compounds
They think: Like we had as kids!
But really… Like we ground into the carpet, my mom’s favorite velvet pumps and the neighbor’s dog! SLIME TIME.