9 Gifts Your Childless Friends Don’t Realize You Don’t Need

Although likely well-intended, these gifts make for more trouble than you’d like. A fellow parent knows the truly dark reality of jigsaw puzzles.

1. Loud Instruments And Other Things That Make Noise

They think: Let there be music!

But really… “Hot Cross Buns” is a powerful number, although it probably won’t warp Jr. into this century’s Mozart.

2. Enormous Stuffed Animals

They think: Cuddly!

But really… Sure, easy to store in my ultra-secret invisible garage yet convenient for daily cuddle breaks.

3. Stuffed Animals In General

They think: Cuddly and portable!

But really… Another plush push toward suffocation. Cool.

4. Apparel Supporting THEIR Team

They think: Woo! Go *the mascot of the school only I went to*!

But really… Did I ever actually make it past the tail-gating at my school? My daughter can wait to practice her beer pong wrist flick, seriously.

5. Swaggy Baby Shoes

They think: He will be quite the miniature stud!

But really… My little one ain’t upright mobile yet, so—aren’t they just pricy ornaments?

6. 9999999-Piece Puzzles

They think: To build problem-solving skills!

But really… It’s almost like magnets hide in between couch cushions, under the fridge, etc. attracting stray pieces. Ugh!

7. Aggressively Gender-Specific Clothing

They think: She’s as precious as a princess!

But really… She totally is, which is why we should let her know early on her color-pairing possibilities extent far beyond pink.

8. Nickelodeon Compounds

They think: Like we had as kids!

But really… Like we ground into the carpet, my mom’s favorite velvet pumps and the neighbor’s dog! SLIME TIME.

9. Totally Inappropriate Slogans

They think: LOL! Book Club 2012!

But really… Maybe, but still.

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