A. This problem does not exist if you wash your freaking towels. If you want to be earth-friendly, buy a bunch of smaller (but equally effective) bamboo chamois or microfiber cloths. That way you can use a fresh towel for each shower and still wash very few loads. B. This commercial is gross. And why in the world are the guy's feet and legs so much darker than his face and chest? C. The shower poufs that have become so popular raise similar questions in my mind. When I see one of those hanging in a shower with no washcloths in sight, I know one of three things is likely true: Either the person never actually cleans her/his genitals and crack in the shower, or the person relies on getting clean below the belt by using only hands, or the shower pouf I'm looking that is regular run up and down somebody's ass crack and then hung up to dry and reuse. All of which are quite unappealing to me.

This looks insanely awesome.

What?!? Why?? Why would someone do this?? Do people REALLY just piss on floors of stores in full view of the public at random? I never thought of myself as sheltered or naive, but I swear I've never heard of such a thing happening, and can't understand how any excuse for such behavior would make even a tiny bit of sense.

This was so overwhelmingly cute it made my sensitive teeth start hurting. Seriously, how could an animal have evolved to be so effortlessly intriguing and cute?

How to deal with cops (it's simple, really): First and foremost, remember that the rights and liberties supposedly enjoyed by Americans are illusions. The Constitution may designate many of these rights as inalienable—meaning that they simply cannot be surrendered, period, under any circumstances—but the American Ruling Class views the Constitution as FAR too radical a document to be taken seriously in the real world, much less strictly adhered to. Secondly, do not lose sight of the fact that as a US American, you live in a thinly-disguised police state. Your rights end where cops decide they end. Displeasing a cop might well result in physical injury, incarceration, or both—regardless of your prior actions. Therefore, you must never “deal” with a cop. As a civilian, your obligation is to obey when a cop issues a command. See? Told you it was easy! Once you memorize those two simple points, you can return to concentrating on things that are really important, like football, Black Friday shopping, and your favorite television shows.

It's only Monday, and already I've seen the cutest thing I will see all week.

WTH? I already know that Jobs is a weirdo, but what I don't get is why a presumably professional photographer would take shots that manage to be infinitely boring despite their weird subject. And seriously, why wouldn't Jobs live in a nicer house? I don't mean a more expensive one—just one that isn't horrifically bland and poorly appointed?

Translation: Don't confront me with an idea longer than a standard text message; I can't handle it. Also, I am proud of my self-imposed mental handicap and would like to pressure you into posting only messages designed for simpletons with ADHD. No surprise at all that you're 19. Pitiful.

I'd never volunteered for any politician or any political campaign before in my life. And yet at 37 years old, on the night Obama was elected, I stood in a room full of hundreds of my fellow campaign volunteers, and I wept. Words can't do justice to the hope and joy I felt that night, or the next day, for the next few months. Obama turned out to be a pragmatist rather than the transformational leader he sold himself as, but I was stoic about it. “Pragmatism will accomplish more in the end” I thought. Then when he championed health *insurance* reform that contained a few truly significant accomplishments, but that let pharmaceutical companies and health care providers get away with little in the way of substantive reform, I was disappointed. When I wondered why he didn't use his communication skills and his mandate for change to make a clear case to his supporters that a Democratic Congress should be able to deliver MUCH better results than the weak and timid final bill, I felt even more disappointed. It seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, gone to waste. When he chose to continue (and in some cases, augment) most of the Dubya-era “War on Terror” policies, and when the financial reform turned out to be the *opposite* of transformational, I was very annoyed. When Obama asserted his right as President to order the assassination of an American citizen—with effectively no oversight or review capabilities granted to any person or entity, and with no requirement to even acknowledge that he'd done so—I was worried and angered, and felt betrayed. I wondered where *my* country had disappeared to. It was a familiar feeling; I'd felt that way all through the Bush presidency. I started paying even closer attention, and soon I felt sorry that I'd even bothered to cast a vote. Disgusted. Sickened. And fairly hopeless. Obama's presidency has taught me an excellent lesson: Our political system is broken and corrupt almost beyond repair, and anyone who stands a real chance of gaining office in this system is almost by definition too corrupt, too conservative, too connected, and has too much interest in maintaining the status quo, to be trusted. For me, continuing to remain involved through endless strings of excuses, empty promises, and abject failures spun as towering triumphs is simply too draining and too painful. In the very unlikely event that Americans wake up and force an end to the corruption by demanding that the two major parties relinquish the advantages they've given themselves, and by forcing the enactment of very strict, airtight laws stripping all corrupting influences from the political system, I might jump back in and give a damn again. Of course, THEN everyone will have to vote for sane and honest and intelligent leaders to insure that the overhaul sticks. I'm sure as hell not holding my breath.

Q: Who would you be if you defined yourself strictly according to what you ARE rather than strictly according to what you are NOT? A: Honestly, you don't know, and that's why you've appointed yourself the conservative political respondent of a website that has no bearing on anyfuckingthing. You're taking the easiest path possible—which is your choice of course—yet your profile description reveals that you remain serious about your crusade despite that fact. One can't help but wonder why, though only you know the true answer to that question.