1. Steve Jobs
When Steve Jobs’ parents put him up for adoption they were adamant about Steve being adopted by college graduates. So when high school graduate Paul Jobs and college dropout Clara Jobs applied for adoption, it was a perfect fit. Paul and Clara promised to encourage Steve to go to college so when he dropped out after a semester at least they can say that they promised they would try. But now we can watch Pixar movies on our iPhones so whatever.
2. James Bond
James Bond lost his mum and dad in a tragic mountain climbing accident at the age of 11. And no, that’s not what Skyfall is about.
3. Marilyn Monroe
Monroe was in and out of more foster homes than you can count on two hands before her first marriage at the age of 16. She grew up with a mentally ill mother and no father, which is probably the cause of her relationship issues. It also might be because she was literally the most beautiful woman alive and could have anything and anyone she wanted so why settle?
4. Batman & Robin
Batman became an orphan when his parents were shot in Gotham City after a screening of “The Mask of Zorro.” The saddest part of this story is that Mr. and Mrs. Wayne’s last meal was probably overpriced popcorn and stale Jujyfruits. Robin was part of an acrobatic circus family that was killed by the mafia. The saddest part of that story is that Robin was a part of an acrobatic circus family.
5. John Lennon
Lennon’s parents split up when the little Beatle was just three years old. After his father failed to save the marriage and after he was turned away by his mother’s new family, John was fostered by his aunt and uncle. With a little help from his friends, John persevered and became a musical icon.
6. Harry Potter
After “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” killed Lily and James Potter, Harry was fostered by his evil aunt and uncle. But if you think about it Harry was really fostered by Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall and Mad-Eye Moody and Sirius and his friends and OUR HEARTS because that is where true magic lies and love never dies and Harry is forever EVERYONE’s baby! OK?!
7. Leo Tolstoy
This Russian novelist was an orphan by the age of nine and raised by a grandmother who died shortly thereafter, then an aunt who died as well, and finally another aunt. Later in life he had 13 children of his own, whom he did not love. His joyous life is reflected in the lighthearted classics War and Peace and Anna Karenina.
8. Jack Dawson
People often forget that Titanic’s biggest heartthrob was an orphan who grew up fending for himself. Luckily, he fell in love with someone who would do anything for him. You know, unless that something was SCOOTING OVER.
9. Paddington Bear
Paddington’s parents died in an earthquake when Paddy was just a cub. In Paddington’s first story, he’s found at Paddington Railway Station in London by the Brown family with a note attached to his blue coat that reads, “Please look after this bear.” And cue tears.
10. Santa Claus
No, not this one—the real one. Once upon a time in the fourth century AD, there was a bishop by the name of St. Nicholas. Nick’s parents died when he was young, and he inherited a large chunk of change. Being a very generous man, he was known to help the poor and anonymously give gifts to people who needed it.