1. You will cry more than you ever have in your entire life.
Did The Notebook make you cry? If so, GOOD LUCK.
2. It will ruin your eye makeup.
Pro tip: Invest in waterproof mascara.
3. You’ll have to buy an entire box of tissues.
You will use approximately 18 tissues during that Amsterdam scene.
4. Inhuman sounds will escape your body and you will scare several people in the movie theater.
Make sure you tell them not to call 911.
5. You will experience the ugliest cry you never even knew you were capable of.
And it will terrify you.
6. You will never be able to say “okay” without immediately drowning your face with tears of sorrow.
7. Your expectations of love will fall short of any future relationship.
8. And when you realize Augustus Waters only exists in a book (and your heart), it will make you visibly upset.
Your friends will be worried about you.
9. Fellow moviegoers will start laughing at your uncontrollable sobbing and it will only make you more emotional.
10. The eulogies will cause your body to heave, and it will hurt your stomach.
11. Should you ever visit Amsterdam, you will only be reminded of “drinking the stars” and you will have an emotional breakdown in the middle of the street in front of hundreds of strangers.
12. You will publicly curse John Green for making you act like a completely different person for two whole hours.
** raises hand **
13. The end of the movie will have you fantasizing about alternate endings that don’t make you so sad, but then you will regrettably understand that there was no other way.
TL;DR: DON’T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO SOB SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS.
(It’s actually really good and you should see it.)