1. You just had a three-hour conversation about your “boundaries.” You broke up eight months ago.
2. You’ve spent a lot of time talking about not talking.
You are never going to stop talking.
4. You have alienated at least one person because this breakup is ALL. YOU. TALK ABOUT.
5. You catch yourself feeling nostalgic for the peripheral old people who used to give you dirty looks for holding hands.
I miss you?
6. You’re beginning to think Tegan and Sara are the only people in the world who get it.
See? They get it!
7. You are earnestly trying to psychoanalyze her new haircut.
WHAT DOES THIS UNDERCUT MEAN.
8. You are worried about how your style will work without her.
And for fuck’s sake, how the hell are you going to divide your wardrobe?!
9. Seriously, WHICH ONE OF YOU KEEPS THE GENDER-NEUTRAL GEOMETRIC SWEATER?
10. The first time you try to hang out as friends:
Wait, friends don’t do this?
11. Your breakup buzzwords aren’t “It’s not you, it’s me.” They are “healthy,” “consent,” “support,” “commitment,” “responsibility,” and “processing.”
13. Maybe you threw away a piece of trash she left in your apartment, maybe you didn’t. It’s complicated, okay?!
14. You start watching her favorite TV show because it makes you feel closer to her.
God help you if her favorite show is Lip Service.
16. You will never. EVER. Get over this breakup.
(You will probably get over this breakup.)
Hang in there, sister.
Shoutout to my homegirl Mia for her help.
- Austria and Germany will allow people seeking refuge from the war in Syria who are currently in Hungary to come to their countries. ›
- Rowan County, Kentucky, issued several marriage licenses today, but their validity is being questioned because jailed clerk Kim Davis's name isn't on them. ›
- U.S. Vice President Joe Biden said he isn't sure he has the "emotional energy" to run for president. ›