Everything You Need To Know About Instagram And The Fine Art Of The DM Slide

Or, how to use Instagram to its actual full potential.

First, a definition:

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And you can do it on virtually every social media platform.

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The most popular DM slide is on Twitter, but Twitter has its problems.

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Twitter is where the DM slide originated, as an endless series of celebrity DM leaks and accidentally public tweets remind us. The site offers a smooth back and forth chat experience, but there's a character limit on messages.

And here’s where Twitter can get sticky: That stranger you’re approaching — the one you know nothing about other than they look good and you like their tweets — they can screen cap and share your flirting before you have a chance to explain, "No, no, no, what I meant was —".

And never forget: the JR Smith disclaimer.

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Heed the lessons of former Knick JR Smith (who was publicly shamed after messaging a teenage girl): If you don't know the recipient's age, just don't send the message. Better safe than sorry. And JR, man, at least get a little deeper into the convo before you inquire about the sex.

Know what Drake, ballers, and groupies know: Instragram DM is lit.

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As little as a year ago the Instagram DM was talked about like a joke, a corny maneuver, something never to be attempted. Now? It might be the best option out there. Plus, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT EACH OTHER LOOKS LIKE.

WHICH IS WHY INSTAGRAM IS THE DM GAME CHANGER.

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It makes perfect sense: A cute girl follows you, maybe even likes a selfie or two (or vice versa) but you have no way to get in touch with her via traditional means. Enter the Insta message.

So how do you...like...do Insta DMs?

Instagram: @eyefivestyle

Instagram's direct messaging isn't intuitive. Rather than going to the profile of a person you want to message, the DM is initiated from your home screen.

To send someone a DM, you HAVE to send a photo.

Instagram: @eyefivestyle

So take a picture or select one from your camera roll.

Then select a recipient, add a caption (or not), and a message, like a reasonable facsimile of a human.

Does that sound hard? Here are some tips.

Best Practice: Send a funny animal pic.

Instagram: @eyefivestyle

Instagram makes you send an image in order to start a conversation. This is a good thing: The image immediately sets the tone for your convo. If it isn't an offensive image, she probably won't be offended.

The picture doesn't have to relate to what you say. Does she have a cat? She'll probably dig this cool hairless one. Is she a warm-blooded human? Then how could she not be enticed by the single greatest meme of all time Daniel Boringcliffe:

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Remember: The goal is to get off the app.

As with Tinder, messaging on Instagram just feels silly. It's not something you want to be seen doing in public, and there's the constant feeling that someone at Instagram HQ is having a good laugh at your conversation. You want to get to the text level ASAP.

There is no hard and fast rule for how many exchanges it takes to ask for a number, but the longer you wait, the more chances there are for the conversation to stall, for the window to close. Generally keep it to 10 exchanges or fewer before you suggest moving it to a more intimate (read: texty or Facetime-y) level of communication.

If you're nervous about asking a lady to move to that next stage, borrow this tip: Text her some combination of the iPhone emoji and a question mark. She will figure it out.

But what if she never sees the DM?

Instagram: @eyefivestyle

Instagram: @eyefivestyle

There are some challenges to the Instagram DM, mainly, that some people don't even know it exists. Or because of their notification settings, they may never know they received a message.

Nada means no.

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But she may see the image and choose to ignore you. Instagram alerts you when someone has viewed the photo you sent, so you're keenly aware of a nonresponse. This happens. It's OK. Let the message sit for 36 hours. If there's still no response, delete the message and (digitally) walk away. Better luck next time.

AND AS IF YOU NEEDED A REMINDER:

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NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER SEND AN UNSOLICITED DICK PIC!