The Grammys are supposed to bring together a group of people concerned with fashion insofar as it makes them looks weird and gets people talking about them. You know, like everyone who goes to fashion week trying to get their picture taken, elegance always seems beside the point. But at the awards show on Sunday night, not only did elegance seem like a non-concern for most people in attendance (don’t even get me started on LL’s hat and egg nog–colored jacket), looking truly bizarre also felt like an afterthought. Why? These people are in music — they’re supposed to look insane all the time!
So, save yourself another red-carpet slideshow laden with strapless sequin dresses you’ll forget faster than Jay-Z makes a hilarious hat joke, and just look at the clothes that actually made an impression.
She wore Azzedine Alaia, a French label favored for its ladylike cuts and which has a fan in Michelle Obama. In fact, this dress might remind you of Michelle Obama’s Jason Wu inaugural ball gown — which is why it’s a turning point for Rihanna. Since when is Azzedine Alaia sending her multiple custom dress options? Since when is she going for those over strange denim and clown jumpsuits? Where, even, is the sideboob?
It was a surprising, but lovely, look.
This is weird, yes, but BORING weird. But I like that she tried pants for the red carpet, even if she looks like a blasé avant-garde panda.
3. Florence Welch
I’m just glad to see spikes in heavy concentration that, for once, aren’t sticking out of a Jeffrey Campbell platform.
4. Kelly Rowland
At this point, it’s like, why bother with the dress at all? Put on a pair of sheer hose and MAYBE some underpants and call it a day.
5. Jennifer Lopez
As someone who is frequently fascinated by the way J. Lo puts herself together, I must say, I do not like this one bit. In a feat of engineering (and waxing!), she may have managed to expose her entire right leg, but you can’t call this a dress. No, this is a “sexy nun” costume that they sell in plastic bags every Halloween. It is not a gown.
6. Katy Perry
Well, she managed to turn someone’s Thanksgiving table scape into the tightest dress ever. She probably should have dry-cleaned it before wearing, because that grease spot on her right hip actually manages to distract from her rack.
A lot of people hated this, but I love it. It’s not black, it’s feminine, it’s fun, and it came with a really great pair of shoes.
8. Jordyn Blum
In case you don’t know Jordyn, she’s Dave Grohl’s wife. Somehow she managed to wear the most interesting-looking outfit of the whole night, a black-and-white dress from Marc Jacobs’ insane spring 2013 collection. It’s so ugly it’s cool.
I wish Beyoncé had worn something from this collection (it DID include some jumpsuits).
9. Esperanza Spalding
Perhaps since she’s a jazz musician instead of part of the pop establishment, she feels comfortable wearing things that are cool and weird instead of friendly. This looks like an oxidized metal boat hull, but she totally rocks it.
10. Taylor Swift
She’s finally fulfilled her true calling: the headmaster of a marching band made up entirely of lunatics.