1. The show took place in Scotland’s Linlithgow Palace.
It’s the birthplace of Mary, Queen of Scots. Apparently when Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld, everyone’s favorite eccentric and the owner of a really beautiful cat named Choupette, told a reporter after the fashion show he had never been to Scotland or this castle before selecting it as the location of the show because, “I like how I think a place is. I don’t have to see what it actually is.”
This is fashion — “reality” is but a concept.
2. Bagpipers serenaded the show.
Chanel likes to really THEME things out, as you can see. Apparently it was so cold during the nighttime show that it snowed, but Chanel kindly provided guests with blankets under the seats.
3. Trashcans full of fire book-ended the spectacle.
Isn’t it lovely?
4. Chanel also provided guests with some really gorgeous porta potties.
The London Times fashion team tweeted this photo from deep inside said porta potties.
5. The show itself was very, I don’t know, Etsy?
There was a very mix-and-match, do-it-yourself flavor to it. Like stick extra safety pins here, wear all your plaid at once like you’re at a wool fair, glue fur to your shoes, etc.
6. Before I get into fashion rules, I must note that if Chanel gets one thing, it’s that cherubic 4-year-old children look fabulous in kilts.
And grown men still look out of place in women’s jackets.
Now, rules time!
7. Fashion Rule 1: Can’t decide between your sheer grandma sweater and plaid scarf?
Clashing will make you look runway-ready!
8. Rule 2: Don’t forget the tiny purse for your chewing gum.
9. Rule 2a: If you’re a man, rule 2 can evidently apply to you as well.
10. Rule 3: Engorge your sleeves and add sparkles to the neckline for a look that says “evening glamour.”
11. Rule 3a: Need to tone it down for daytime? Add flare with a crisp white pussy bow that appears to be on steroids.
12. Rule 4: Wear as many scarves at a time as you possibly can.
13. Rule 5: Make sure your colors are muted and dull at all times.
Winter is depressing and so you should look depressed.
14. Rule 6: Try pairing your floral grandma sweater with leather pants.
It’s what all the cool grandmas do these days.
15. Rule 7: If you’re a man, wear a plain white Hanes-style tee under approximately 28 knitted Chanel items.
16. Rule 8: Stretch your olive argyle sweater to your ankles.
Leave enough room for the flood.
17. Rule 9: Make sure your gloves are shinier than the jewelry in your conehead-shaped hair.
18. Rule 10: If you leave the house and realize your purse doesn’t have any homemade-looking pom poms on it, go back inside and glue on some cat toys.
19. Rule 11: Thick, plaid, wool bloomers do qualify as bottoms.
21. Rule 12: These sleeves.
22. Rule 13: Even a great floor-length sheath with nice clean lines should be worn with a bunch of kitschy accessories.
23. Rule 14: If your grandma sweater doesn’t show from within your dramatic coat, wear a big dramatic grandma scarf outside it.
24. Rule 15: If you can’t afford Chanel, just get the same look at Anthropologie.
26. Rule 16: Look like a bird.
27. Rule 17: Make all your clothes out of blankets from someone’s country house.
28. Rule 18: Hide nipping when it’s cold out with this frippery.
29. Rule 19: Tie a belt around the bottom of your coat. Like a straight jacket.
Happy pre-fall 2013 everyone!