1. Zachary Quinto at Dior Homme.
Why was he there? To make this magical photo with Karl Lagerfeld a reality.
Randomness: Were we to judge this on Karl’s non-plussed expression, it would be a high score. But Quinto’s a burgeoning fashion plate, so this is a 4/10.
2. Victor Cruz and David Beckham at Louis Vuitton.
Why were they there? Cruz is reportedly covering the men’s shows for Vanity Fair, because who needs fashion journalists these days?! And David Beckham is David Beckham, so that’s that.
Randomness: Cruz gets a 6, Beckham gets a 1. That averages them out at a respectable 3.5/10.
3. Michael Stipe, also at Louis Vuitton.
Why was he there? Perhaps because the spring/summer 2014 Louis Vuitton show was set to two R.E.M. songs remixed together.
Randomness: 4/10. However, in a much more random coincidence, Stipe is wearing the same shirt as Louis Vuitton womenswear designer Marc Jacobs, who was also at the show.
4. A packed front row at Burberry.
(L—R: British rapper Tinie Tempah, model Suki Waterhouse, Serena Williams and Hugh Dancy.)
Why were they there? Well, Tempah is an official ambassador for London’s menswear collections, Williams is in town for Wimbledon, Waterhouse is a pretty model, and Dancy is a pretty actor. Burberry front rows are always stacked with celebs, anyway.
Randomness: On average, 4/10.
5. David Gandy, also at Burberry.
Why was he there? Like Tempah, Gandy is an official menswear ambassador — in addition to being a swoon-worthy male model.
6. David Gandy again, at Richard James and Oliver Spencer.
Why was he there? As above.
Randomness: 2/10. Look, this isn’t random it’s just an excuse to post more pictures of David Gandy.
7. And Jamie Campbell Bower, also at Burberry.
Why was he there? He’s a young British actor with a new movie out this summer. The benefits of his appearance would seem to be mutual, but…
Randomness: 7/10, because this photo suggests even Campbell Bower doesn’t know where he is/what’s happening.
8. Jamie Campbell Bower again, at Diesel Black Gold with Stephen Dorff
..and Dorff’s “new girlfriend,” who is clearly wishing she’d just stayed home.
Why were they there? “Haha bro I dunno, do you?”
9. Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko at Giorgio Armani.
Why was he there? This is a puzzling one — it’s a men’s show so that rules Hayden’s appearance out, and Wladimir is so tall/strapping that you’d imagine his clothes have to be custom-made anyway.
10. Jeremy Irons at Berluti.
Why was he there? Well, Irons is a face of the label’s new menswear campaign. They wouldn’t take artsy photos for their Tumblr of just any old guest at the show, you see.
11. Israel Broussard and Godfrey Gao at Salvatore Ferragamo.
Why were they there? Because their suits match just perfectly. (And that’s probably no coincidence.)
Randomness: Well, Broussard stars in style-centric new movie The Bling Ring and Gao’s a top model so there are justifications for their presence. Tenuous ones, though. Let’s call this a 6/10.
12. Oh look, it’s Godfrey Gao again.
Why is he here again? Because he’s Godfrey Gao, that’s why.
Randomness: N/A. But attractiveness: 10/10.
13. Glee’s Mark Salling, also at Salvatore Ferragamo.
Why was he there? Maybe because Darren Criss passed along his ticket. Who knows, really? What I’m saying is that Darren Criss should be at more fashion shows.
Randomness: 12/10. The Ferragamo PR team must be taking their front row strategy in a — wait for it, WAIT FOR IT — new direction.
14. Michael Pitt at Calvin Klein.
Why was he there? Because he clearly can’t go outside and the runway appears to be happening in a cool, dark place.
Randomness: Pitt’s fashion credentials are actually quite legitimate — he’s been the face of Prada in the past. This is a 3/10. (I took points off for the broody pout.)
15. And Michael Pitt (with Salma Hayek) at Saint Laurent.
Note: the Saint Laurent show also featured one of the best crops of industry figures in attendance.
Why were they there? Hayek’s husband is François-Henri Pinault, chief executive of Saint Laurent’s parent company, Kering. Pitt just fits in with the rest of the Slimane scenesters.
Also, post-show Hayek and Pinault walked out (albeit with two bodyguards), a part of the jostling crowds just like everyone else. They didn’t sneak out any secret exits or demand everyone wait till they’d left the building; Hayek even stopped for a few photos along the way. And she is STUNNING.
16. Lily McMenamy, Milla Jovovich and Sky Ferriera, also all at Saint Laurent.
Why was he there? A more pressing question instead: why do they all look so miserable?
Randomness: 3/10 — on average.
17. Sky Ferreira, this time at Givenchy.
Why was she there? Ferriera’s a consistent presence on Givenchy front rows, and she embodies the label’s current aesthetic pretty well.
18. Brahim Zaibat and British magician Dynamo, at Givenchy.
Why were they there? Brahim trades very successfully on his relationship with Her Madgesty; Dynamo probably just popped up in the venue in a puff of smoke and glitter because magicians can do that sort of thing.
Randomness: 8/10. Mainly because who lets a guy wearing something with a prominent Chanel label on display into a fashion show that’s not Chanel?
19. K-Pop star Taeyang, at Givenchy.
Why was he there? Because he is wonderful.
Randomness: Considering the power Asian markets hold over the fashion industry right now, his front row status actually makes a lot of sense. 2/10.
20. Taeyang again, at Kenzo.
(And he showed up at more Paris shows still — for some strange/unfortunate reason, however, he didn’t get photographed much. His reputation really should precede him.)
Why was he there? As before, because he is wonderful. And also because everyone likes a healthy fruit juice first thing in the morning.
Randomness: Still 2/10.
21. Jesse Metcalfe (and girlfriend Cara Santana) at Oliver Spencer and Richard James.
Why was he there? Becuase nobody else in London can pull off the semi-sheer black sweater quite like Jesse, apparently.
Randomness: 12.5/10. As confusing a presence as Mark Salling at Ferragamo, and so much so that accurately scoring is a challenge. But she sheer number of menswear fashion week events Metcalfe scored tickets to (he popped up at a few parties too) push him just “ahead.”