Let's just pretend we're all called "Darrel," and this message is about wearing super short shorts.
Simmons-style short shorts.
Shorts made famous thanks to the workout classic Sweatin' to the Oldies.
Not to mention Sweatin' to the Oldies vol. 2, 3, and 4.
Obligatory Sweatin' to the Oldies GIF goes here.
The stripy wonders are old school Dolfin running shorts, specifically. Everyone should wear them when the weather is like it is right now.
They come in lots of different colors. Only one length though.
And they're a timeless workout choice.
Richard likes to pose in the shorts for Facebook photos, as you would, if you were wearing the shorts in this heat.
Here he is "planking" in some at the Louvre.
And he recently filmed a sexy-looking Geico commercial in a black and white striped pair.
Doesn't Oscar-winning director Tom Hooper look thrilled to be adding the piece to his resume?
In fact, Simmons likes to post Facebook photos wearing lots of different short shorts that would be a good idea right now.
Presumably, Lori thought this ensemble was fine.
This too. Smile!
Lately though, Simmons has taken to wearing leggings.
Sometimes these leggings are worn solo.
But often Richard wears leggings under Lycra shorts.
Like this.
Or this.
Instead of traditional leggings, it's possible to wear those skin-colored tights like ice skaters often do.
(It should be noted that, on occasion, Simmons will dare to wear the Lycra on on its own.)
But then it's understandable that you'd want some sort of support hosiery underneath your fishnet short shorts, for example.
They're obviously helpful on days when Simmons gets particularly whimsical.
And, again, risqué.
Still risqué. And sparkly.
Risqué. And, well, again, Facebook commenters say it best.
Risqué to the point of (perhaps) NO SHORTS WHATSOEVER. A step too far, even with fringe in the mix.
But anyway, let's regress to the handy topic at hand: heat-beating shorts.
Richard Simmons' short shorts, specifically.
Not kilts.
And definitely not leather trousers, what is this even ABOUT?
Wispy thin running shorts. The best thing to be wearing on a hot summer's day. Watch them in this video.
View this video on YouTube
YOU MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO: Simmons leading a bunch of confused male Midwesterns at the Columbus Convention Center in a spirited workout to the tune of Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory."
Pair them with bedazzled New Balance sneakers and frilly socks, of course.
And just make sure not to freeball.
