34 Reasons Victoria’s Secret Shouldn’t Clip Miranda Kerr’s “Angel” Wings

The lingerie brand is reportedly taking back Kerr’s halo. But I can still see it.

It’s out with the angel wings, in with the vegan chicken ones for Miranda Kerr: Us Weekly reports that the dimply Australian supermodel’s Victoria’s Secret contract won’t be renewed. Her $1 million deal with the brand is ending because she’s “not a big seller,” and “has a difficult reputation,” Us reports. In other words, she’s not been sharing her home-baked kale and pine nut cupcakes with her fellow models.

Here’s what this means for poor Miranda — and the world:

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1. No more implausible fur mittens.

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2. And no more implausible suspenders.

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3. No more ostrich feather trains.

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4. No more ostrich feather wings.

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6. No more butterfly wings.

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7. No more animated wings.

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8. No more poems.

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9. No more starry capes.

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10. No more impromptu backstage dance parties.

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11. No more posing like Rose deWitt Bukater on the Titanic’s bow.

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(Missed photo opportunity: getting Leo in the mix. He’s always at the VS Fashion Show.)

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12. No more waving coyly while your silk dressing gown falls down.

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13. No more of this lingerie.

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14. No more of that lingerie.

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15. No more posing with this lingerie.

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16. No more posing with that lingerie.

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17. Or that lingerie either.

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18. No more crystal-encrusted bras.

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19. No more crystal-encrusted Statue of Liberty crowns.

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21. No more sexy lingerie togas.

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22. No more sexy lingerie clam shells.

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24. And no more sexy lingerie baubles.

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25. No more novelty megaphones.

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26. No more walking on water.

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27. No more jaunty sashes.

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28. No more cheap beach balls.

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29. No more off-key Christmas jingle sing-alongs.

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30. No more of this.

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31. And no more of that.

Ok, in this instance it’s for the best. What a mess.

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32. No more nearly getting a pinkie toe stuck in a swimming pool cleaning drain.

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33. No more coy winks.

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34. And no more coy nearly-but-not-quite-winks.

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But wait!

Even without that $$$ contract, Victoria’s Secret’s chief marketing officer Ed Razek says Kerr “will always be an Angel to me.” He also told Us he’s “already invited her to walk in the 2013 [Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show].” She’ll likely pop up in catalogs, photoshoots and promotions too, just on a flighty freelance basis.

Phew, so see you soon (in undies) after all Miranda.

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