3. Could move the random piles of trash from the bathroom, but… *shrugs* *takes photo*
4. This Brooklyn dungeon comes with a 19th-century pillow and an indoor leaf blower. ACT FAST.
From the listing: “sunshine is the only thing you’ll really be missing out on.” OK, no prob!
5. Bloody footprints will be cleaned before your move-in date. Probably.
6. Fun fact: Your new dream home is actually a snow globe! Enjoy!!
7. This “unique starter home” just needs a “visionary buyer.”
8. Swearing? Yup. Totally cool-looking timestamp? Uh huh. Large graffiti cock n’ balls? OBVIOUSLY.
9. The only limit this “bungalow” knows is your own imagination. Literally, though, you have to imagine it.
10. Cozy basement room with authentic Saw lighting and clay floors. One of a kind.
13. Boombox! *whispers “mini fridge instead of sink”* BOOMBOX, THOUGH!
14. Shared space with creative professional. Roomy and bright!
From listing: “Need notice. It is occupied.” No shit, occupied by an EVIL SCIENTIST.
15. Special “large, needlessly removed door now leaning against window” feature. Very unique.
16. Oh, sorry, you wanted to SEE the room? Trust me, it’s great, there’s at least one (1) comforter.
19. Room available with cool geometric window.*
*Window looks onto abattoir parking lot.