A Guy Complained No One Had Wished Him Happy Birthday On Twitter And Things Got Weird

    Note: This is a summary. It's still very, very long. The full, magnificent saga can be found here.

    OK. Here is Twitter user daniel_barker.

    On 13 January, Daniel was a bit miffed because people hadn't wished him a happy birthday.

    You know, in some ways, I do regret having tweeted this.

    Now you need to meet Twitter user FrogCroakley.

    For Daniel's birthday, he sang him a song.

    @daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U I'LL BREAK U IN TWO MY OLD MAN'S A MUSHROOM AND I LIKE TO COOK STEW

    @daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU PREPARE FOR VERSE TWO IT'S LOUDER AND DEEPER AND THE THIRD WILL BE TOO

    Which got a bit weird.

    @daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LORD YOU MUST READY THY SWORD A MONSTER AWAKENS IN A CAVE UNEXPLORED

    This continues for a great many tweets.

    .@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME IT'S MINE NOW, YOU SEE BECAUSE I HAVE TAKEN YOUR IDENTITY

    And he was still singing the next day.

    .@daniel_barker @aanand HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SON A NEW DAY IS BEGUN I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR MORE BIRTHDAY FUN

    .@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TO YOUR INSTINCTS BE TRUE THE TIMER IS TICKING RED WIRE OR BLUE

    He also introduced some clowns. They would become a running theme.

    Smash cut to me smacking a stick against a shipping container, rousing 15 weary clowns to begin a second day of @daniel_barker 's birthday.

    Day three, and he's still singing.

    @daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY - IT'S IN YOU THAT FIRE IN YOUR SINEWS IT SHAN'T BE EXTINGUISHED WHILE THE PARTY CONTINUES

    Daniel's birthday is now taking place in what he describes as a "stricken, alternate London".

    200 emaciated clowns toil at a vast capstan, clanking as it hauls a banner reading "HAPPY BIRTHDAY @daniel_barker " over all of East London.

    Hunched workers hurriedly don party hats as they pass police checkpoints; @daniel_barker glowers from behind a cake on titanic billboards.

    A leaden bell tolls under a heavy sky; in an echoing stone hall, @daniel_barker weeps softly as expressionless butlers haul in another cake

    It's day four now, and the tone of Mr Croakley's tweets is becoming increasingly nightmarish.

    @daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR HEART WE MUST ALL PLAY OUR PART IN CHEERING YOUR BIRTHDAY TIL OUR NECKS FALL APART

    Dawn over London; a rusted, umanned zeppelin drops another load of confetti over the lifeless city in honour of @daniel_barker 's birthday.

    It's now day five. Daniel had been told, via text message, that the tweets would stop. But...

    ...this was a lie.

    @daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE MORE WE'RE ONTO DAY FOUR THERE'S A HULKING ALBINO WITH A CAKE AT YOUR DOOR

    If anything, London has become even more of a dystopia.

    In tallow-lit catacombs beneath London, 4,000 withered orphans begin their daily toil on a mile-wide tapestry of @daniel_barker's face

    Sat on a marble throne, @daniel_barker frowns. The Scottish delegation's birthday offering is poor; they will be ushered into The Microwave.

    I hope that everyone will do what is right, and join me in wishing @daniel_barker a very, very happy birthday.

    It's day six now, and Daniel is, in Mr Croakley's words, "a despot reigning over a world depleted and enfeebled by constant and joyless celebration".

    A scowling man stalks a slum, ringing a bell; bowed commoners bring forth the meagre cakes they are obliged to bake daily for @Daniel_barker

    Meanwhile in orbit, a vastly expensive operation reaches its zenith, as a captured asteroid spins end over end and hurtles toward the moon

    Ejecta from the impact spells "HAPY BIRTHDAY", twinkling in the dawn. @daniel_barker has the man responsible for the spelling error drowned.

    He has also begun to drink the blood of animals.

    As the day's celebratory meal begins, @daniel_barker takes a weary gulp from his chalice of leopard blood, and beckons for his party hat.

    I sincerely urge every one of you to remember that it is @daniel_barker s birthday today.

    People are now joining in.

    Guys it is @daniel_barker 's birthday today, you should all wish him well :toots party horn, clowns fall over:

    Some haven't got the joke.

    @Wangleberry @daniel_barker Happy birthday, DB! Hope you have a great day.

    Right, let's take a moment and break for tea.

    Day seven begins. There are a great many tweets on day seven.

    Day 7 of @daniel_barker's birthday. A gunmetal grey armoured truck, a stencilled '~' on its flank, grinds to a halt in a bombed out street.

    Daniel is no doubt reassured by this tweet.

    @daniel_barker this is my way of saying I like someone

    Day eight, and things are getting odder.

    Day 8 of @daniel_barker's birthday. An orbital tug, crewed by 10,000 stunted mutants, drags a 500km wide ribbon toward the moon's north pole

    Earlier in @daniel_barker 's birthday, the amazon rainforest & 1,000 convicts were sacrificed to fix a 10,000km stick to the moon's surface.

    "Happy birthday @daniel_barker " sighs the chief mutant over skype, wiping sweat off his face tentacles as his filthy crew shiver behind him

    "As requested; the moon on a stick" he intones. There is a long silence, as @daniel_barker regards the screen with an expressionless face.

    "I do not care for the colour of the stick" says @daniel_barker, reaching for a red button. The mutant's eyes bulge as the connection severs

    This goes on for some time. But let's skip to day nine. Now things are really grim.

    Day 9 of @daniel_barker's birthday. As manacled clowns sweep up the night's confetti, the citadel gates open for the next wave of guests.

    Commoners from the foundry district, chosen by lottery, are handed tattered finery & herded past steel menhirs bearing @daniel_barker's face

    More animal blood.

    "Greetings!" shrieks @daniel_barker, gulping a mug of eagle blood as he capers down a spiral staircase in an icing-smeared general's uniform

    An organist with hammers for hands begins a foul rendition of "happy birthday" as unsmiling clowns wheel forth chairs & @daniel_barker claps

    God.

    Without warning, @daniel_barker draws a pistol and shoots the organist stone dead. As the shot echoes, the commoners scramble for the seats.

    A leering brute emerges from a low passageway with a leopard on a rope; the lights turn deep crimson and @daniel_barker cackles in ecstasy.

    @FrogCroakley I'm going to have to put "it isn't actually my birthday" in my bio, aren't I.

    By day 11 there is fan art.

    The Mob Gathers At the Gates of @daniel_barker's Palace. Inspired by @FrogCroakley

    Rioting has begun in Daniel's kingdom.

    Day 11 of @daniel_barker's birthday. Bottles smash against the palace walls, shards twinkling in firelight under a sky dark with candle soot

    Happy Birthday, @daniel_barker - I hope you will forgive that my tribute was so rushed

    By day 14, a short radio play.

    Aww. @daniel_barker got a birthday shoutout on the radio! https://t.co/mXvT7edFWJ

    By day 16, Twitter users are accepting Daniel as their lord and producing propaganda.

    let's all wish @daniel_barker a happy birthday! please ignore any treasonous rumours, our lord is still in his palace

    PLEASE NOTE; failure to properly celebrate @daniel_barker 's birthday is punishable by DEATH

    Day 17, and there is "full on mecha carnage".

    Suspended on cables beneath them, @Daniel_barker sneers into the wind over the armoured collar of Iron Clown, his war exoskeleton.

    Ladies and gentlemen, happy birthday @daniel_barker

    The rebels strike; ragged men rush to ensnare @daniel_barker in nets as a stolen tank with "MANY HAPPY RETURNS" daubed on its hull emerges.

    By day 22, this was Mr Croakley's word cloud.

    Out of interest, here is how my recent descent into barking madness has changed the wordcloud of my tweets: http://t.co/MZ2vh4PqCx

    Day 23 was a bad day.

    BUT IT WON'T STOP ME WISHING @DANIEL_BARKER A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

    But we were soon back on track.

    Day 23 of @daniel_barker's birthday. The enormous rocketship, fashioned in the guise of a leopard, hurtles through the void trailing bunting

    "Show me the good bit again" @daniel_barker commands his Video Clown, as he reclines in his ape leather throne & sips tortoise spinal fluid.

    Day 37, and Daniel Barker is on Mars.

    Day 37 of @daniel_barker's birthday. A lone figure in a spacesuit casts a tapered shadow over Martian dunes as it treks into the sun.

    Sipping stale porcupine blood through his helmet straw, @daniel_barker squints into the ghastly disc of the sun & mutters savage obscenities

    The whole thing is here. We are 38 days into Daniel Barker's birthday and it shows no sign of abating.

    When – and how – can it possibly end? Mr Croakley tells BuzzFeed News: "The ongoing threat is that I won't stop until he holds a massive birthday party, in character, with us all dressed as clowns. Apparently some people are seriously looking at venue hire for this."

    And Barker? He says: "I did wonder how long he would keep going. I said a few weeks ago, 'Surely you're going to have to kill me soon.' But who knows?"

    Oh, and in case you were wondering, he tells us: "I had a nice birthday this year – didn't do much for a change. Was actually quite happy with people sending birthday wishes on Twitter."

    And what's the whole experience been like? "Well, it's certainly odd to get such attention for something that isn't my doing at all. But it's been great fun. And now I just expect people to wish me happy birthday when I see them. Which is a weird thing to have in your brain."

    On Mr Croakley, he says: "He's a good friend and a very talented writer, so mostly I just enjoy it along with everyone else. And feel only slightly resentful that nothing I tweet ever gets that kind of attention."

    "I stand by this as a description of his work, though."

    @FrogCroakley christ, it's like something Hemingway would write if you dug him up fed him ketamine and forced him onto Celebrity Big Brother