Oh my god, you guys, Marvel finally announced their pick for the new Spider-Man!
Oh, really? It's another white dude? Another one?
Did Marvel not see any of the beautiful fancasts that have been happening for months?
Did?
They?
Not?
See?
Their?
Options?
He represents the everyman, but he represents the underdog and those marginalized who come up against great prejudice which I, as a middle-class straight, white man, don't really understand so much. And when Stan Lee first wrote and created this character, the outcast was the computer nerd, was the science nerd, was the guy that couldn't get the girl. Those guys now run the world. So how much of an outcast is that version of Peter Parker anymore? That's my question.
Literally who is this kid?
Did he direct Fright Night?
I'm dying with all the congrats for landing the Spider-Man role. Lol. Wish I wasn't the old Tom Holland.
Wait, is this him just like casually doing a backflip?
Hmmmm. I mean, I guess he's qualified?
Is he...Is he holding a duck? Oh god, am I even able to handle what's happening here?
Goddammit, this kid's gonna charm me like a goddamn cupcake acrobat, isn't he?
And yet even in his adorableness I still can't quite get the sting to go away?
BUT WHEN WILL YOUNG WHITE GUYS HAVE A CHANCE TO PLAY THE MAN MADE OF SPIDERS
how in the same week do you announce that miles morales is the new official spider-man and also that you're doing a peter parker reboot
Sorry Tom Holland this isn't your fault. But you know.
Was THIS not enough?
Thumbnail image via Columbia Pictures, Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images.