Spend your time filling cracks with Play Dough, and wonder why all your friends are suddenly too busy to come round.
Want to please your significant other? Treat him like a mosquito.
Nothing says ‘elegance’ like a rock covered in tin foil.
Delicious, eggs that taste like deodorant. Shower-fresh!
Too cheap to buy earrings? Some glitter glue and nobody will notice the difference! Except, of course they will. They’re not morons.
Maternity jeans? Pah! Why buy something that only lasts for 9 months when you can make do with a rubber band!
Or, you could just take a photo of the car on your phone. Whatever works for you.
Confuse your love interest! Play power games! That’s how they like it!
Why buy new shoes when you can just wrap old ones in Sellotape?
The question is, why on earth would you collect corks?
Plastic bags mean you’ll never have to wash your hands again!
Another contender for ‘things you could have just bought, like a normal person’.