1. When I was a child, I won a dancing competition against Nick Offerman.
2. I have 40 toes.
Some of them are not connected to my body, and are for sale (not in the U.S.).
3. I prefer to use highlighter to sign documents.
I came up with this genius idea to prevent someone from stealing my identity. Unfortunately my pockets are full of highlighters so I keep losing my wallet.
4. I firmly believe that if every mountain in the world had a giant zipper attached to it, we as a people would think about both mountains and zippers in a completely different way.
5. I’m developing over-the-head pants for Jaclyn Smith’s clothing line at K-Mart.
They will cost $15,000.
6. I think every morning should start with a good unicycle ride on the roof to check the rain gutters.
7. I eat dinner for breakfast, breakfast for lunch, and lunch for dinner.
Snacks are a Thanksgiving feast. Except on Mondays when all meals are lunch, except lunch, which is a snack (Thanksgiving feast). Mondays!
8. Every time I eat chili, David Wain smiles.
It’s so weird.
9. To calm down and clear my head…
I like to drive around L.A. on a hot summer day with all the windows rolled up, the heater on, listening to radio static full blast.
10. With every movie I watch, I pretend it’s the sequel to a better, more interesting movie from three years ago.
Makes every movie disappointing. Try it!
The Greatest Event in Television History airs Thursday at midnight on Adult Swim, and will be followed by a special announcement.