Pokémon As Described By Someone Who’s Never Watched Pokémon

Pokymans is Nantindo’s most popular franchise. posted on

1. Pokémon is about a runaway child named Ash Ketchup who is obsessed with animals and baseball caps.

Nintendo

2. He’s an animal hoarder with OCD who feels compelled to imprison one of every animal in the entire world.

Nintendo

3. Ash’s best friend is a yellow weasel named Pikachu.

Nintendo

Nintendo

 

4. He has a girlfriend named Misty. Misty likes side ponytails and she carries around a deformed starfish.

Nintendo

5. The three of them hang out with a dude named Brock, who is blind.

Nintendo

6. Ash and his friends are constantly being chased by two drag queens and a cat from Brooklyn.

Nintendo

7. Ash is embroiled in an underground animal fighting ring that uses gyms as a front for their illegal activities.

Nintendo

8. During battles, Pokémon trainers distract each other by throwing red and white Christmas ornaments at each other. Whoever runs out of ornaments first loses.

Nintendo

9. Pokémon trainers are obsessed with FLAIR.

Nintendo

20th Century Fox

 

10. Some of the most popular Pokémons include Jiggles the Puff, a pink beach ball who loves karaoke.

Nintendo

11. Bulbasaur is a frog with a rotten onion on his back.

Nintendo

12. Psyduck is a platypus with long term paranoid psychosis from extensive amphetamine abuse.

Nintendo

Nintendo

 

13. Slowpoke is a pink koala who just got internet access in his room.

Nintendo

14. Sometimes food can be a Pokémon too, like radishes or clumps of old spaghetti.

Nintendo

Nintendo

 

15. Captured animals are experimented on and mutated into larger, angrier monsters.

Nintendo

16. When Pokémons are slaughtered in battle, they come back as mean ghosts and get to be enslaved all over again.

Nintendo

17. Also, Pokémonning too much will cause seizures, so it’s important to limit how much you Pokémon.

FOX

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

Facebook Conversations
          
    Now Buzzing