1. First things first: Powerline is, was, and will always be the greatest pop star mankind has ever known.
2. And there will never be a better dance move than The Perfect Cast.
3. But A Goofy Movie is great for so many other reasons. For starters, the phrase “Hi Dad Soup” probably makes you involuntarily choke up.
4. You were totally jealous of Max’s cool room. Is that a yoga mat? Max, you’re so spiritual.
5. Goofy made other movie parents look like chumps. He was a single father but still found time to do chores while his hair dried.
6. You were mad jelly of all the hip ’90s fashions.
7. Honestly, what movie best encapsulates the fashion of the ’90s? Clueless? The Craft? Wrong. It’s Goofy Movie.
8. Titanic totally stole that “king of the world” scene from A Goofy Movie.
9. Blossom Russo totally stole her look from Stacy, even though Blossom debuted five years before A Goofy Movie.
What is time, though? Time is a construct. Time is fiction.
10. A Goofy Movie made you realize your friends would never be as cool as Max’s friends.
11. Also, real talk: you had a crush on Roxanne, and don’t try to deny it.
12. Roxanne made you want to up your voluptuous hair game.
13. The movie taught you to face your fears and be courageous.
(Even if you were only being courageous to get the attention of a hot dog-girl.)
14. It gave you hope that one day you too might have a shining moment of unbridled coolness, just like when Max hijacked the school assembly.
15. Seriously, if Max’s rendition of “Stand Out” didn’t send you into blissful cardiac arrest, you’re not human.
YO STACY! TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME BAY BAYYYYY…