Note: This ranking does not include the original Zoom seasons from the 1970s. It also leaves out Seasons 6 and 7 of the reboot, which used a different introduction style than the first five seasons.
Without any further ado, let’s begin.
35. Jessie, Season 2
Seriously, Jessie? No dance moves, no props. Just saying your name and doing an awkward head bobble.
IT’S LIKE YOU’RE NOT EVEN TRYING.
34. Mike, Season 5
This would be ranked much higher if Mike paused long enough to let us see who he actually is. Unfortunately, the high-speed hopping really drags this one down.
33. Zoe, Season 2
The head shake looks a little crazy, tbh.
32. Garrett, Season 4
This had the beginnings of a cool concept. But then Garrett just stood there, holding on. He didn’t climb, or jump, or hang. He just…stood.
31. Estuardo, Season 5
The best part about this is the animated shooting star. Sorry, Estuardo :(
30. Caroline, Season 2
OK dancing, but her rhythm seems a bit off. IDK, it just lacks a true “wow” factor.
29. Ray, Season 2
Raising the roof in sync with the letters of his name bouncing up and down — pretty cool. Too bad that’s all there is.
28. Alisa, Season 2
The spin is a nice touch, but it really should go in tandem with something else. By itself, this just seems a bit empty.
27. Caroline, Season 5
Girl, we can tell that you’re faking surprise. Maybe if Caroline weren’t smiling BEFORE the flowers popped up, this would be more believable.
But at least she used a prop.
26. Alisa, Season 1
Not really sure what this dance move is called, but I’m OK with it. The weird thing at the end where she presents her arms to the viewer is eccentric, in a good way. But again: WE NEED MORE FROM YOU, ALISA.
25. Caroline, Season 3
Ugh, again with the fake surprise, Caroline. It’s not believable, and it doesn’t make sense.
24. Kortney, Season 5
Bland, yes. But at least her name is written clearly.
23. Zoe, Season 1
MUCH better spin than Alisa. Gives the intro a bit of energy.
22. Keiko, Season 1
This one’s all about the feet.
21. Kaleigh, Season 4
The close up is a little weird, bringing back memories of Zoe’s uncontrollable head-shaking from Season 2. But then we pan out and see the top hat and cane, and this intro immediately improves by at least 75%.
20. Eric, Season 3
Potato light. That is all.
19. Matt, Season 4
He looks happy to be there, and the pull-down computer is a nice touch. But again, it could be so much more.
18. Aline, Season 4
17. David, Season 1
So maybe his moves aren’t conventional, but he knows what he’s going for and he executes it pretty well.
Minus a few points for the duckface at the end.
16. Rachel, Season 3
The hat switcheroo is just OK. What brings this up a few notches is the “Oooh, yeah!” she belts out at the end. Oooh, yeah, indeed.
15. Pablo, Season 1
I don’t know what is going on with your fingers, but I like it.
14. Claudio, Season 2
What could have been a much lower-ranked intro is saved by Claudio’s clear display of energy and excitement.
13. Garrett, Season 5
Garrett really seems to have learned from his Season 4 mistakes. He doesn’t aim for as high-concept this time, but keeps it simple with a classic skateboard flip.
12. Caroline, Season 4
Definitely Caroline’s best showing. It seems like someone pushed the stuffed animals from behind, so her surprise actually comes across as genuine for once. WAY TO (kind of) REDEEM YOURSELF!
11. Shing Ying, Season 5
Could be more dance-y, but the fact that she plays the flute is pretty awesome.
10. Jared, Season 1
The master of the spin. He sets it up with an arm-bopping and comes out of the spin into what looks like the beginnings of a classic “bring it around town.” Solid.
9. Kaleigh, Season 3
Really, this could have been anyone. But Kaleigh just happened to be the lucky one who got to introduce herself while this FUCKING AMAZING swag shot out of the wall.
8. Frances, Season 3
The flower is fine, but nothing special. What Frances really gets right here is the wide-eyed stare at the very end. Memorable.
7. Aline, Season 5
The upside-down schtick could have seemed bleh in the hands of the wrong Zoomer. But Aline’s smile (and pigtails, let’s be honest) help save it from being too cliched.
6. Kenny, Season 3
Clearly a man of many talents. It’s impressive that Kenny is able to keep his concentration while focusing not only on introducing himself, but on making sure those balls don’t fall.
Side note: Can we please talk about how Kenny and Caroline were SUCH an item back then? I ship them to this day.
5. Buzz, Season 3
Yeah, you could argue that Buzz kind of overdoes it here. But I don’t really care because the drum solo idea is brilliant, tbh.
4. Estuardo, Season 4
Although he was a major disappointment in Season 5, Estuardo provided one of the highlights of the Season 4 introduction sequence. His moves are smooth as butter and he’s totally rocking it.
3. Rachel, Season 4
YES RACHEL. YOU GO GIRL. SHOOT THAT HOOP.
2. Kenny, Season 2
The classic “I’m going down an escalator” gambit. Kenny is obviously well versed in the history of comedic introductions, and TOTALLY commits with the facial expression at the end. Bravo.
1. Lynese, Season 1
Perfect in its simplicity. The shoulder-shake is one for the ages. Plus, Lynese capped off Season 1’s intros, leaving us with the indelible “And I’m Lynese!” that would cast its spell over every future Zoomer.
TRULY GLORIOUS. LYNESE FOREVER.