My Saturday night was spent on my couch watching house hunters. I know you're all jealous of how cool my life is.
1. It’s become impossible to enter a new house for the first time without silently judging all of the design choices.
2. You’ve designated yourself the official expert whenever real estate stuff comes up in conversation.
3. So you ALWAYS have to give advice when you hear a friend is thinking of doing a renovation.
4. You’ve had entire arguments with your TV screen solely based on whether or not a bathroom is too green.
5. And you get irrationally angry when people don’t pick your favorite house.
It’s basically a personal affront.
6. You’ve become essentially immune to the crazy demands that people expect their realtors to fulfill.
7. You instinctively cringe whenever you hear someone make a joke about how they have “too many shoes” to fit in the closet.
8. You’ve seen so many couples argue over whether or not a home is “move-in ready” that the term has essentially lost all meaning.
9. You’ve perfected the art of multitasking to make sure you never miss the all-important reveal.
10. You’ve turned predicting which house they will pick into a game, and you have no shame in celebrating when you get it right.
11. When House Hunters isn’t on, you sometimes need to start browsing Craigslist just to get your fix.
12. Luckily, your DVR is basically just an archive of all the episodes that have aired in the past few months.
So you’ve always got something to watch.
13. Your social calendar already has the hour from 10–11 p.m. blocked out every night because that’s when new episodes air.
14. You haven’t gone out on a Saturday night in weeks because you’ve got a standing date with your couch.
15. You’ve at least once considered moving to the absolute middle of nowhere because you’ve seen how cheap prices can be.
16. Or packing up and just moving somewhere exotic and foreign.
17. Whenever an episode takes place somewhere you’ve been, or especially somewhere you live, you’re overcome with giddiness.
Or, conversely, annoyance.
18. You have made at least one (misguided) attempt to do a basic remodel on your own home.
Yeah, maybe call a professional.
19. You occasionally try to negotiate the price of your own rent based on examples you’ve seen.
“If they could get a 2 bed for $1500, I shouldn’t be paying more than $1100 for this.”
20. If you’re looking for a new place, you’ve been brainwashed into needing a few specific things.
21. And even though occasionally you’ve had to turn off the TV to deal with the insane jealousy you feel toward certain hunters…
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THOSE MARBLE COUNTERTOPS AREN’T “NICE” ENOUGH?