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15 Reasons Dudes Should Never Do Yoga

Reduced stress, better sleep, and lower risk of heart disease? No thank you. No wonder 4 out of 5 yogis in the U.S. are women.

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1. Because stress, anxiety and depression make life so much more interesting. / Via Instagram: @yogigil

Stability is overrated. So what if yogic breathing techniques have been shown to be beneficial for anxiety, depression, everyday stress, post-traumatic stress, and stress-related medical illnesses?

3. What would you even do with all that extra balance, flexibility, and stamina? / Via Instagram: @carleshurtado

You never deal with aches, tightness, or tiredness, right? Great! No need to increase your quality of life, then.


5. You might have to be less anxious or happier.

In a study comparing the effects of yoga and a similar amount of walking, yoga was associated with greater mood improvement and anxiety reduction. Yuck.

6. You might even have to stay alive longer. / Via Instagram: @bchanwarrior

In one study, researchers found that yoga, as part of a healthier lifestyle, might help early stage prostate cancer patients live longer. Why prolong the inevitable, right?

7. Your posture could improve.

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Increased flexibility and core strength make you more likely to "sit tall" and notice when you don't. But never mind that, your trusty old office chair's got your back support covered...right?

8. Keeping your lungs too healthy seems kind of unnecessary.

So what if yoga has been shown to help some patients with various lung issues, including chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and coronary artery disease? You must have two lungs for a reason — one of them is a backup!


9. The fact that yoga is better for your brain than other exercise makes it much less worthwhile. / Via Instagram: @ski_yoga_guy

Yoga participants in one study had better reaction times and were better able to process and recall information that those who had done aerobic exercise or no exercise at all. But no one will be able to see if your brain is RIPPED, so that's pretty much pointless.

10. It would be a shame to lose a fun personal quirk like your insomnia.

Insomnia is linked to anxiety, depression, cognitive problems, high blood pressure, and obesity. But if yoga could help with your insomnia, you might end up wasting your time sleeping instead of staying up all night looking at cats.

11. Your blood pressure's probably happy where it is.

Not only is yoga a fairly safe form of exercise for those with high blood pressure, one study has shown yoga to have positive effects on blood pressure and introduce breathing practices that are healthy off the mat. Still, it's most effective to just not think about it at all, or only use those nearly-always-wrong machines at the pharmacy.

12. And the ol' ticker's doing just fine, right? / Via Instagram: @manrob32

Just because heart disease is the leading cause of death for men and women in the U.s. doesn't mean it'll affect YOU, buddy. You're definitely that one lucky dude who never has to worry about it. So forget that in at least one study, yoga has been shown to be promising as a treatment for improving cardio-metabolic health.


13. Besides, it's not fun to literally LEVEL UP YOUR OWN BODY.

Yeah, that's right. The longer you do yoga, the more poses you can do, and the more fun it becomes. But that's stupid, right? And since there are no alpha dude nerds obsessed with quantification, I doubt any guys would be interested in this kind of thing.

14. You might not be good at it right away, so it's probably not worth doing.

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As a man in today's society, yoga is an experience where you will most likely be surrounded by women doing the same thing as you, only better. Often much better. And we really mustn't have that, right? It's not a good idea to be humble, or to appreciate women being powerful...sometimes inches away from you!

15. And finally, why would you ever be interested in something that makes sex better?

By some measurements, yoga has been shown to be effective in "improving all domains of sexual functions in men." Plus, enhanced breathing, flexibility and stamina. That all adds up to great sex, which is obviously dumb.