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    Posted on May 1, 2015

    23 Things Everyone Who's Trying To Get Pregnant Can Relate To

    If only it were as easy as birds and bees.

    1. Your life is now divided into the two weeks before ovulation and the two weeks after.

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    2. And during the "after" weeks, you'll become convinced that every single burp or fart is definitely a sign of pregnancy.

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    3. You buy pregnancy tests in bulk, but still never have enough.

    4. And the single line that used to be such a relief is now your mortal enemy.

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    5. You'll willingly give up some of the things you love most, like alcohol and coffee.

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    But you'll soon learn those are just gateway sacrifices. Eventually you'll try eliminating sugar, dairy, gluten and your remaining sanity, too, if you think it will help you get pregnant.

    6. You start scheduling everything around your menstrual cycle.

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    7. Sex becomes just another prescription.

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    8. Even when you do try to spice it up, everything just reminds you of ultrasound equipment.

    9. You can handle this:

    10. And this:

    11. But not this:

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    12. And you'd rather get a jury duty summons than a baby shower invite.

    13. You talk about "giving a sample" like it's not weird at all.

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    Raise your business hand if you've seen the inside of a fertility clinic's "audio visual" room.

    14. Your partner knows more about your hormone and follicle counts than they do about sports stats or current events.

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    15. At first all the confusing acronyms on infertility message boards might as well be another language...

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    16. ...but once you’ve been TTC long enough, every 2WW is an opportunity to Google DPO symptoms until you POS and get your BFN or BFP!

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    TTC = trying to conceive

    2WW = two week wait

    DPO = days past ovulation

    POS = pee on a stick

    BFN = big fat negative

    BFP = big fat positive

    17. You will eventually resort to trying the weird Internet tips you once dismissed as nonsense.

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    Knowing that it probably won't do anything isn't going to stop you from chugging that cough syrup. But please, run these things by your doctor first.

    18. But you will smack the next person who suggests the basic tips you left behind months/years ago.

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    Oh, so you're saying I could just monitor my cervical mucus for free? And that basal thermometers are cheap and easy? Wow, sure wish I had tried that before investing all my hope and money in time-consuming, emotionally draining and extremely expensive procedures with relatively low success rates.

    19. Same goes for the next person who says it will happen if you just chill out.

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    20. And the one with the anecdote about that pregnant granny who did all the acupuncture.

    21. You’re as terrified that it won’t happen as you are that this will:

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    22. You've faced massive ethical decisions, sometimes on the fly.

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    How do you feel about selective reduction? What will you do with those leftover embryos? When is it time to stop?

    23. The longer you’re in the assisted conception game, the more you understand how many others are with you.

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