People Are Sharing Popular Self-Care Tips That Could Actually Do A Lot Of Damage

    "Positive vibes only."

    CT Seale
    by CT Seale

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    I'm all for treating ourselves kindly and taking the time to do so. However, some advice seems self-affirming and constructive but can be harmful when taken at face value.

    Cartoon Hangover / Via giphy.com

    So redditor u/_redhead_in_red posed the question, "What's some popular self-care/self-love advice that is actually really toxic?" and...the web had some answers.

    Check out the top responses below.

    Warning: This post contains mentions of sexual assault.

    1. "Positive vibes only."

    A person in jeans and a striped t-shirt painting a smiley face on a wall
    Flashpop / Getty Images

    "People use it because they think it's uplifting, but it's actually quite dismissive. Often people say it when others voice sadness, frustration, emotional fatigue, anger — basically any other emotion but happiness. A positive attitude can take you a long way, but so can letting yourself/others feel emotions and acknowledging them."

    —u/SarcasiticEmpath

    2. "If they can't handle my worst, they don't deserve my best."

    "Funny how those people are always at their 'worst.'"

    —u/Team-Hero

    3. "The 'how not to give a fuck' nonsense."

    A man in bed wearing a tank top, chains, and sunglasses, yelling into a phone and gesturing with his hand
    Charlie Schuck / Getty Images / Uppercut RF

    "I agree, don't give a fuck what people think if you enjoy a certain type of music. But do give a fuck about how your actions affect other people. Unfortunately, it seems that many people just take it to mean, 'Don't care that you might hurt other people.'

    "In order to self-care and self-love, it is important to consider what the consequences of your actions are on the world around you."

    —u/AGrayishCat

    "I've decided that the way to think about this advice is, 'Don't give a fuck what other people think of you, but absolutely do give a fuck how you make other people feel.'"

    —u/imacomputr

    4. "Get a mani-pedi and do a face mask."

    Woman sitting in a spa room with a face mask on and cucumber slices over her eyes, hair wrapped up in a towel
    Hans Neleman / Getty Images

    "OMG, as a woman, I feel like stuff like face masks and pedicures and manicures, etc., is constantly pushed on us as 'self-care' to the point where you almost get conditioned or peer-pressured into believing it is, even if you don’t genuinely enjoy it. Like, I know some women do, but honestly, it took me a while to realize I freaking hate getting my hair done, boring skin masks feel like a chore, I hate getting my nails done, etc., etc. I think a lot of women feel similar to me, but it’s just this culture's go-to 'treat' for a woman. IMO, most of it is really boring and tedious and kinda like going to the dentist.

    "It’s sort of like people might say that men just wanna watch football and drink beer to decompress, so even men who don’t really personally like sports or beer will just start doing it on autopilot."

    —u/sneakyveriniki

    5. "Do whatever feels right."

    —u/Janucide

    "'OK': All serial killers."

    —u/cloudnyne

    "There’s also the problem that sometimes we have to go through some unpleasant things in the short term to get worthwhile benefits in the long term. If you always avoid things that make you uncomfortable, you’re probably stunting your own growth."

    —u/Lemina

    6. "Treat yourself."

    Klarna / Via giphy.com

    "Depending on the scale, this can be bad financial advice — if you know you can't afford something, don't do it."

    —u/hopeishigh

    7. "If people don't like you for who you are, that's their problem."

    "No, sometimes you’re the asshole; 9/10, the common denominator rule stands."

    —u/anotherbutterflyacc

    8. "Don't be sad; you have everything you need to be happy."

    "Even if there’re a few happy things in your life, you don’t need to be ashamed about feeling sad or depressed."

    —u/jfray81

    9. "Don't change yourself!"

    Person with closely cropped hair and closed eyes revealing colorful, bold eyeshadow
    Rushay Booysen / Getty Images / 500px Prime

    "For me it's the physical self-esteem and appearance issues and the whole 'Don't ever think a negative thought about your appearance or want to change an aspect of yourself.'

    "I'm a natural ginger. Pale, red-cheeked, freckled, the whole deal. Another thing that comes with that is, I have completely invisible eyelashes and eyebrows. If I don't have makeup on, it genuinely looks like I have shaved my eyebrows and eyelashes off. For years I hated this and was just waiting for the day I learned how to fix it. Eventually I got my makeup done, and it was the most beautiful I've ever felt. All it took was some mascara and eyebrow pencil.

    "I realized then and there that I was never going to go back to having my natural face. I started wearing the same three makeup products every. Single. Day. Mascara, eyebrow pencil, and eyeliner. Then I became upset that I couldn't go without makeup without feeling naked, so I started dyeing my eyebrows and eyelashes, and it was life-changing. I always feel guilty about only feeling confident after I 'changed myself,' but frankly, that's nobody's business but my own.

    "You shouldn't teach people that they have to love their natural appearance no matter what; you should teach them that they deserve respect no matter what their appearance is. I don't like my natural facial hair color, but if someone were to insult it or belittle me because of it, I know that I don't deserve that, and my face is perfectly acceptable the way it is, even if it doesn't fit with my personal preferences."

    —u/The-Pinker-Dinker

    10. "Follow your heart."

    A repeating pattern of heart likes, like from Instagram
    Fairywong / Getty Images

    "Sometimes love can be toxic, and maybe the correct decision is painful. Maybe it pains you to leave someone. Your heart shouldn’t rule you.

    "I’m not saying to never follow your heart and to always pick the typical ‘logic’ route. Sometimes risks are good, whether you're taking a risk for a new job or starting a new relationship. The point I was trying to get across is not to follow your heart blindly; use logic. If there is a bad situation, get out, no matter what your heart thinks."

    —u/gooddaygirl

    11. "Don't be a victim."

    "Had someone tell me not to let my wife feel like a victim after being sexually assaulted.

    "I hear people say this a lot because they think it helps real victims feel less like one, but people need to process things. They can't just run through the healing process by pretending it didn't happen."

    —u/codetelo

    12. "Always trust your feelings."

    Man leaning out the driver's seat of a car shouting and pointing
    Rapideye / Getty Images

    "This advice is everywhere. No, oftentimes our feelings require introspection for us to work through them and make positive change."

    —u/youkick

    13. "Be who you are."

    Curb Your Enthusiasm / Via giphy.com

    "This is only good advice if you're a good person."

    —u/the_monkey_of_lies

    "People use this advice in SUCH a wrong way! It’s supposed to mean: 1) Don’t be ashamed of being unique and doing your own thing. 2) Follow your dreams despite what doubters say. 3) Do the morally right thing even if it makes you unpopular.

    "But people think it means be an asshole and offer no apologies to anyone you hurt or offend. Nope. The truth is, sometimes you AREN’T 'perfect just the way you are.' Sometimes the way you are is unacceptable because you’re a rude, inconsiderate jack-off. In that case, you DO need to change."

    —u/SteakGunsandBeers

    14. "Cut off anyone who doesn't bring you peace."

    A person holding the peace sign with her nails painted red against a mint colored call
    Christoph Hetzmannseder / Getty Images

    "Obviously this applies to people who are constantly, deliberately making you miserable. But a stressful situation or argument with a friend you care about doesn't validate a cutoff if you haven’t attempted to work it out with them."

    —u/tinymom7674

    15. "Show them what they're missing."

    "No. Just do better for yourself."

    —u/Thatdudedoesnotabide

    16. "Man up, keep it together, be strong."

    A man in a T-shirt and jeans sitting in a seat, tears running down his face, with the hands of the two people sitting on either side of him patting his shoulder and holding his hand
    Klaus Vedfelt / Getty Images

    "As if crying is a sin when you’re a guy and you’re either in pain or on the verge of tears for different reasons."

    —u/Evileye37

    17. "Guilt is a wasted emotion."

    Close-up of a gavel being held by a judge-type holding a book, about to strike a sound block. Golden scales of justice sit on a table in the background
    Naruecha Jenthaisong / Getty Images

    "Having at least some guilt is a good sign that you're not a psychopath."

    —u/BigdoggyTN

    "The way my doc phrased it makes total sense to me: 'Is this (emotion) useful?' In the case of guilt, ask yourself if it’s useful to you. Does it help you learn something? Change a bad behavior? Prevent you from hurting someone in the future? Then it’s useful. If you’re feeling guilty over something and you analyze it and come to the realization that it’s not useful (likely because you legitimately shouldn’t feel guilty about it), then allow yourself to let go of the guilt. It works well with almost any negative emotion I may be struggling with."

    —u/Maverik22

    18. "Stop texting people first to see who your friends are."

    Over-the-shoulder view of someone sitting cross-legged holding a large phone/tablet in their hands that is totally blank
    Travelcouples / Getty Images

    "What if they're doing the same thing and you just ended a friendship because of a misunderstanding? Like, yes, if you're the only one doing work in the friendship, then maybe you should reevaluate it, but it could also be that someone is going through something you don't know about, and they really don't want to talk to anyone at that time. This isn't a solution for everyone."

    —u/tovar2401

    19. "This is a cure (shows a picture of the woods). This is poison (shows a picture of medication)."

    "Shut the fuck up — some people need antidepressants to function. Going for a walk in the woods will not just magically cure your depression."

    —u/Turbobrickx7

    20. "You don't owe anybody anything."

    "OK, it’s one thing if we’re talking about an abusive relationship, but this mentality seems to promote childish, conflict-avoidant behavior masked as 'self-care,' aka 'good vibes only.'"

    —u/dotskee

    "Ignoring people who care about you or being rude to people shouldn’t be encouraged, IMO. You can take time to yourself without being an asshole or cutting people off without explanation."

    —u/what005

    21. "You have to love yourself before someone else will love you."

    Two people lounging on an couch, one kissing the other on the forehead
    Momo Productions / Getty Images

    "I can say from experience that sometimes you need someone else to love you first. There was a time when my girlfriend saw value in me before I saw it in myself."

    —u/ChaseDonovan

    "The thing I really hate about that one is that it seems to imply that people who struggle with self-esteem can't be loved and that is their own fault. After all, all you have to do is love yourself so that others can love you, right? We can't always love ourselves; that doesn't make us less deserving of love."

    —u/OnMyHonestAccount

    The takeaway is pretty much to love and respect yourself as you are able, and not to forget compassion for others, too! Is there some self-care tip or affirmation that drives you crazy? Let us know in the comments!

    Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. H/T: r/AskReddit!