Health

17 Symptoms All Coffee Addicts Have Experienced

It’s not a yawn, it’s a desperate cry for cold brew.

If you rely on coffee to be a functioning human, you’re probably familiar with some — if not all — of the following symptoms:

1. Irritability upon waking.

2. Excessive complaining until first sip.

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3. Extremely reduced patience for bullshit before noon.

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4. Heightened ability to locate coffee shops within a 3-mile radius.

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5. Noticeable mood shifts before and after coffee.

6. Very predictable bathroom habits tbh.

7. Tendency to judge others for their coffee preferences.

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8. Above-average performance when adequately caffeinated.

9. Life-altering headaches when not caffeinated.

10. Occasional paranoia that you’re having a heart attack due to excessive coffee consumption.

11. Confusion and sarcasm at the mention of decaf.

12. Willingness to pay a stupid amount of money for “good” coffee.

13. Immoderate consumption of caffeine on a daily basis.

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14. The assumption that jittery hands and fast talking is actually normal.

15. Elevated levels of productivity, happiness, and overall badassery when there’s coffee.

16. Irrational rage at minor inconveniences.

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17. And occasional hallucinations of dunking your entire face in coffee.

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