1. Afterglow Intimate Massager
2. PicoBong Transformer
3. We-Vibe 4 Plus
4. LELO Siri 2
5. INA Wave
6. Crave Duet 8 GB Luxe
7. LELO Ora 2
9. My Secret Screaming O Vibrating Mascara
10. OhMiBod Blue Motion
11. TROJAN Vibrating Multi-Thrill
12. Revel Body SOL Sonic Vibrator
It massages, vibrates, and provides underwater suction. This thing is basically an excuse to call out sick from work.
Get it here for $139.
Will they ever stop making new and improved versions of the rabbit-style vibe? Probably…when penises come equipped with clitoris-rubbing bunny ears.
Get it here for $99.99
14. Screamin’ Demon
15. JimmyJane Form 5
Who knew your labia actually needed some vibrating TLC, too? Actually, wait, this vibe knew.
Get it here for $145.
16. The Ultimate G Vibrator
I mean, come on. Just look at that thing. Penises are running scared just thinking about it.
Get it here for $49.48
Disclaimer: This post was mostly* meant to be sarcastic.
Obviously not everyone WANTS a boyfriend in the first place, and, in a more general sense, human connection is a wonderful and fulfilling thing. But so are machine-powered orgasms. Not to mention, the two don't need to be mutually exclusive. That said, sometimes you just want to do you. And that's also a perfectly acceptable way to spend an afternoon.
*Excluding No. 13, because holy shit.