Sex Q&A: Is My Vagina Too Tight?

    We asked the sex experts if painful penetration might be a matter of ~size~.

    Welcome to the new BuzzFeed Sex Q&A where you can ask us your awkward, confusing, gross, embarrassing, or thought-provoking questions, and we'll provide answers from leading sexual health experts. Have a question about sex or sexual health? Send it to

    This week's question:

    Dear BuzzFeed Sexperts,

    I read your previous Sex Q&A on how to deal with a small penis — my problem concerns an uncooperative vagina. I don't have sex all that often, but when I do penetration tends to be painful (with the exception of a small penis I had sex with that didn't hurt me). I don't bleed from penetration anymore, but I had hoped the pain would be restricted to the first few times I had sex as I "got used to" penetration or whatever, but this hasn't happened.

    Not all penetration is painful — my fingers and very (I mean, VERY) small sex toys can go in without any discomfort, but anything bigger is an issue. During sex I normally just put up with it, as the pain isn't as bad after the initial penetration, but it's not exactly fun. I've attempted to use bigger sex toys to see if I can get used to them, but this has not gone well. I don't feel like I should be having to force things up there when I'm alone and chill and doing all the rights things, like using lots of lube, etc.

    I wonder if I just have a small vagina, or if it's all in my head? I do remember past penetration being painful, and particularly the first time I had sex I was pressured into it, so maybe my brain is like, "No, stop, the thing sex is bad"? Either way, I'm not sure what to do. For right now I don't mind because I don't really get much from internal stimulation, and external masturbation is more than enough for me. But I'm worried that this could affect things if I got into a relationship.

    Kind Regards,
    Tight Lipped

    Hi, Tight Lipped! Thanks so much for sending along your question. To help answer it, we spoke with Dr. Alyssa Dweck, OB-GYN and co-author of V Is for Vagina, and Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, sex therapist and author of Wanting to Want. Here's what they had to say:

    There are SO many different things that can cause painful sex, but it probably has nothing to do with the size or tightness of your vagina.

    It's totally possible that there's actually nothing wrong with you at all, and you're just not sufficiently aroused and lubricated before you start.

    Painful sex could be the result of an infection or other medical issue.

    Or that "too tight" feeling might actually be vaginismis, a condition marked by involuntary contractions of your pelvic floor muscles.

    The bottom line: Sex should feel good — not painful.

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