1. When you have sex with someone new for the first time.
Inquiring minds need to know.
2. When you FINALLY have an orgasm with your new squeeze. FINALLY.
3. When you’re so horny you could hump a tree.
4. Or just the general discussion of how long it’s been since you’ve had sex.
5. When you honestly would have rather skipped the foreplay.
Because, like, what was going on there?
6. When you brag about your go-to technique that you know you’re amazing at.
7. Whenever a person's genitals are particularly noteworthy.
8. When you’re really excited to tell your friend about a recent hookup and then you realize you’re in the grocery store and there are children around.
Quick — to the condom aisle!
9. And when you rely on completely unsubtle innuendos that everyone around you understands.
10. When you want to know if other people do that same thing you do.
11. When you hook up with someone whose desires are…unconventional.
12. When you sometimes just really need to text your friend immediately after you sleep with someone.
13. When you’re in a long-term relationship and all your stories are about your S.O., but, whatever, you’re going to tell them anyway.
14. Or when your friends know your S.O. way too well for you to go into specific details, so you vaguely — but strongly — infer that things are good.
15. When you have ~thoughts~ about anal.
16. When you’re trying to get pregnant: whether or not you were ovulating.
17. And when you're not trying to get pregnant: how paranoid you are about the possibility of ALREADY being pregnant.
18. Whenever anything interesting happened after sex.
19. That casual discussion of all the pros and cons of your chosen pubic hair situation.
20. When you humblebrag about the UTI you got from all the marathon sex you had last weekend.
Sorry, not sorry. But actually kinda sorry, because UTIs hurt.