back to top

21 Sex Tips That Aren't Bullshit

Things NOT on this list: a rolodex of sex positions, above-average genitalia, or decades of experience.

Posted on

We asked the BuzzFeed Community what makes someone great at sex. Here's what they had to say:

Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

1. Treating someone's body like it is literally the best thing you have ever seen EVER.

FOX / Via

"Absolute adoration of your body is DEFINITELY one." —Erika Isme (Facebook)

2. Knowing the importance of consent.

"Work it into your foreplay. Say 'I'm going to do _____ to _____. Would you like that? Can I do that to you?' If they're unsure, uncomfortable, or flat-out say that they're not into it, then BACK OFF. Do not push it. Reassure your partner that it's OK to say 'I'm not really into this right now.' Don't make them feel bad for denying. When you're changing from one action to another, ask if it's OK. Once again, you can make this sexy without killing the mood, if you so please. Someone who is good in bed is someone who pays attention to their partner. Ask for consent and see what they are into first." —Mariah Miller (Facebook)

3. Talking about sex and what each person likes/dislikes like it's NBD.

Columbia Pictures / Via

"Someone who's willing talk to you about what they want and what you want and then deliver." —faithm450680221

4. Getting a little weird.

"It's all about experimentation. Finding out what your partner enjoys and what they don't. It's OK to come right out and ask; it's also OK to figure out along the way. But don't hold back — don't be afraid to show off those quirky sex things you've always wanted to try. A partner that you work well with will understand and probably show you a thing or two you didn't think you could like." —Bailey Parenteau (Facebook)

5. Being honest about orgasms.

Nickelodeon / Miramax / Via

"Stop faking orgasms! When you are sending out the 'Way to go, Casanova' vibes, they aren't going to know they are in your belly button. Moving your hips or guiding them with your hand or moans will turn them into great lovers and they will think they did it on their own. You both win." —Jeni Silva (Facebook)

6. Sharing a particular kink.

"Similar tastes. Among all the others (consent, communication, etc.) that are pretty obvious, there's nothing better than finding out that your partner has a kink that is perfectly in line with your own." —frontrow333
Getty Images / iStockphoto Filip Obr / Via

"Similar tastes. Among all the others (consent, communication, etc.) that are pretty obvious, there's nothing better than finding out that your partner has a kink that is perfectly in line with your own." —frontrow333

7. Being a giver. / Via

"Acting like all that matters is my pleasure and how I feel. That makes me sound selfish, but it makes me want to do to the same to the other party and makes me want to try to match their efforts. It can make for a very intense sexual experience." —jessicaj23

8. But also being a ~little~ selfish.

Warner Bros / Via

"You need to get the balance between being a totally selfless lover, one who is rewarded by seeing your lover's pleasure, and being just selfish enough to be able to intensely enjoy the sex." —Cheryl Garvey (Facebook)

9. Laughing when it's acceptable to laugh.

Michael De Luca Productions / Via

"Giggling and being playful is a must. Taking sex too seriously is really awkward. Laughing really takes things to a much more relaxed and comfortable level." —Meg Lacy (Facebook)

10. And legit having fun while you're at it. / Via

"Sex is funny. It's awkward. It's let's-get-naked-and-bump-our-gross-bodies-together. Weird things happen. Weird noises, wet spots, falling off the bed, and don't even get me started on having a dog in the room with you! The best sex I've ever had is whern we can laugh at each other and the situation. Sex doesn't have to be so serious! Laugh at each other, have fun with each other, and make sure your partner is taken care of." —ashw4fac0485e

11. Playing up the unique chemistry you have with this person.

"If your chemistry is rough and exciting, go with that, and if its more about sweet friendship, stick with that." —arayahl

12. Throwing that whole orgasm goal out the window.

USA / Via

"The first time my ex-boyfriend and I had sex, he assured me that there was no pressure to have an orgasm on his side or my side. I loved how at ease that put me and how easy it was to tell him about what I liked or didn't like. This whole idea of not 100% focusing on achieving an orgasm allowed us to really focus on pleasure, which completely changes the experience." —missmarker

13. Being attentive AF. / Via

"What makes someone good in bed, to me, is when they can read your body. They know what turns you on without you having to say it because they're that in tune with you and your physical needs." —taylorp41978c6a0

14. Exuding confidence — even if you don't totally know what you're doing.

Cheryl Cole Vevo / Via

"Being confident in your abilities and your abilities to learn can make a huge difference." —icehexx

15. Taking your time and being ~thorough~.

"Lip biting, earlobe nibbles, neck kissing, grinding against you at first to build up the anticipation." —shaunaa2

16. Having an epic connection with someone — whether that's love or lust or friendship or whatever.

"Someone who you can get passionate with but afterward have a laugh or two. Being comfortable with the other person and overall trusting them." —purpshorts

17. Making foreplay a thing.

"Don't skip it. It makes EVERYTHING feel even better." —sakura0101

18. Getting a little primal.

"Someone who loves me but has no interest in 'making love.' Sex is primal. Let's get physical, hit several positions, and fuck like bunnies. After we finish, we have a giggle, eat a pizza, and head for round two." —nolanryan

19. Being SUPER AMPED to be there.

"A partner who is enthusiastic and 100% into what you're doing is very hot. What's sexier than your partner being like, 'Hell yeah! Let's do this!'" —Ashley Coffman (Facebook)

20. And being up for anything.*

"Being open-minded to trying new things but also knowing the definitive boundaries for each person." —Alexis Ferguson (Facebook)

*Except anything that you or your partner are actually really not cool with. In that case, carry on!

21. But really, it kinda depends on the person.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "I know it's annoying to answer with the bullshit response 'It depends,' but I think this REALLY does. Because some might say a sort of aggressive confidence, sultry, smoldering sexiness, and firm, powerful movements would make you an amazing lover — but I think to some people that would be messy and obnoxious, like you're being attacked with attempted proof of their sexual prowess. Some people like awkwardness, tenderness, gentle touching; others like it hot and heavy… some people like it super fucked up. And having sex with someone who does the opposite of that would make you think, Wow, they're bad at sex. But that's not true for everyone." —electricskeptic8

Want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts? Make sure to follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter!