1.
You can't take take a crap peacefully because no toilet is deep enough to accommodate your length.
2.
And you can't just unzip your fly to pee — it's a full unpantsing process.
3.
You can't wear comfy pants, khakis, sweatpants, or shorts without a monstrous bulge screaming for freedom.
4.
And you can't wear tight pants without having to constantly, and awkwardly, adjust your junk.
5.
Hence, you really can't wear any pants without ending up the focus of wandering eyes.
6.
You can't ever EVER get a boner in public and think no one will notice.
7.
You can't sleep on your stomach without morning wood uncomfortably waking you up from your slumber.
8.
You can't wear just any underwear. That precious package you're carrying has special needs.
9.
You can't complete a set of push-ups without beating the floor with your schlong on the way down.
10.
And you can't go running without the very real risk of your junk escaping the confines of your shorts.
11.
You can't dance with someone or hug them without feeling like the ultimate creep when they accidentally brush up on your bulge.
12.
You can't easily find a condom that fits ~just right~.
13.
And you can't deny that you've probably dealt with condoms ripping or slipping before you finally found one that fit.
14.
And you definitely can't have sex without having lube on deck at. all. times.
15.
You can’t have sex all the time because your partner can only take so much within a given time period.
16.
And anal sex is most likely a no-go.
17.
But at the end of it all, you can't pretend you're not still super proud to have it.
