1. For a start, people at the UKIP conference wear outfits like this.
Scene from UKIP conference.
2. There are free eurosceptic slush puppies in UKIP colours.
3. There's this woman who has had Nigel Farage's face tattooed on her arm, asking Nigel Farage to sign her arm at the spot where she has had Nigel Farage's face tattooed on her arm.
Nigel Farage is autographing the arm of a UKIP supporter who had Nigel Farage tattooed on her arm. THIS IS HAPPENING.
Apparently Nigel Farage invited her upstairs to the signing in a more private place.
4. The woman who has had Nigel Farage's face tattooed on her arm revealed that she has the face of Robert Smith from The Cure on the other arm.
Pleasingly Farage tattoo lady has Robert Smith from The Cure on the other arm. The classic combination.
5. You can easily get hold of some interesting documents, such as this climate change sceptic's take on A Christmas Carol.
Nothing says Christmas quite like a satirical fable about climate change science
6. There's a raffle for goodies, including a Battle of Britain jigsaw.
UKIP raffle: I've got my eyes on the Battle of Britain jigsaw and the framed signed Nigel Farage polo shirt.
7. It's also the sort of place where you're greeted by protesters outside handing out leaflets like this.
UnWelcome to Doncaster: anti UKIP leaflets being distributed at Donnie station
8. And where there's an absolute ban on all perfumes from the venue.
No perfumes at Ukip conference, please. Ladies and gentlemen, please discard your perfumes
9. There's an endlessly turning 'Vote UKIP' orb that will turn up at almost any UKIP-related event anywhere in the country.
10. You can buy anti-EU tokens for your supermarket trolley.
11. There's the strange sight of UKIP having to distance itself from Katie Hopkins because her views are too extreme.
"People don't give a shit about the House of Lords," says Hopkins. "Seal up the room and gas the lot of them."
12. You can watch Nigel Farage entering the stage to the sound of Europe's "The Final Countdown".
13. Then there's this woman, who sells handknitted UKIP teddy bears.
This woman has spent months knitting 28 UKIP bears. Each one takes her two days. Yours for £25 a pop.
14. Farage leaving the stage to "Uptown Funk".
Nigel Farage is being sort-of mobbed to the town of "Uptown Funk". It's what Bruno Mars would have wanted.
15. And this man who claims God and UKIP agree on border controls.
Apparently God imposes the ultimate border controls by carefully controlling access to heaven #UKIP15
16. It's a place where no one could get a taxi because of Eid.
Huge problems for UKIP members trying to get to conference - no taxis from Doncaster station because most drivers have the day off for Eid
17. There's these tasteful UKIP brooches for the special person in your life.
18. There's the fact that the whole thing is held in a venue that was part funded by EU money.
Irony alert: #UKIP conference facilities were paid for by European funding (p.8) http://t.co/TpJSXtb4ED
19. There's the banner featuring this dodgy photoshop of Jean-Claude Juncker secretly controlling Jeremy Corbyn.
20. This banner asking you to spot the difference between the Tower of Babel and the European Parliament.
21. And the fact that meetings between Katie Hopkins and the Nigel Farage tattoo woman actually happen.
Welcome to Ukip conference. Here's Katie Hopkins and a woman with Nigel Farage tattooed to her arm