Marv Albert, Please Stop Calling Dunks "Facials"

Also: everyone else should stop doing it too.

1. In Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals on Saturday, Paul George dunked on Chris Bosh. Marv Albert called it a “facial.”

2. Almost every time Kobe Bryant dunks, Marv Albert screams “facial!”

3. Ejaculating “facial” is actually one of Marv’s trademarks. He’s so known for loudly exploding “facial” that Sports Illustrated called it one of his best lines.

4. He loves moaning “facial” so much that he often interrupts other commentators to do so.

5. Marv’s “facials” take precedence.

7. But here’s the thing. A facial isn’t just a relaxing beauty treatment. It’s a controversial sex act, the prevalence of which may be on the rise. Departed BuzzFeed editor Anna North did the definitive piece on facials.

8. Here is the first definition of “facial” from Urban Dictionary: “when someone cums all over your fuckin face.”

10. But you might protest Marv’s naivety. “He’s just old Marv Albert, from a time before controversial sex acts!”

11. The same Marv Albert who was charged with forcible sodomy and pled guilty to assault and battery against a woman?

12. I think it’s safe to assume that Marv Albert knows what a facial is.

13. Anyway, in the privacy of his own home, Marv can call dunks whatever he wants. Money shots, payloads, kid bombs.

15. But Marv: When you’re on TV, stop calling dunks “facials.” It’s making us uncomfortable.

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